Hearts all over the world tonight

well it's easter weekend/ Purim weekend, and it's been a very hectic week or two of school assessments and report cards. I still haven't managed to get rid of the flu (it's been almost two weeks with a hard core brinchial cough.) I seem to be constantly choking on my own phlegm.

I am really in the need for some gluten-free vegetable and corn soup for the soul.... Still having issues with cash, and my personal loan was declined cos my school would not confirm my income over the telephone- even though I sent the bank three copies of my payslip and my confirmation of employment letter. Stupid fucks.

We've had c this weekend, and I've found it fairly hard to cope with her here, for some reason. Maybe it's because she keeps going through my stuff, and having to play with my things. She came into my bedroom the other day and opened my top draw and started to go, oooh, what's this??? And pulling things out. I say, 'honey, that's K's private draw'. Oh, sorry, she says... then goes over to my necklaces in my necklace cupboard. Christ. Leave my stuff alone! I want to yell, but of course I say 'that's very pretty, isn't it?" Then's it's over to my duchess and going through my jewellery on the top.
ARGH! Get out of my room and out of my stuff!!!!!!
but instead I say, that's a pretty colour.. that bracelet has a very special story to it, would you like to hear it???
sigh.
She's a lovely kid, but I'm just feeling like I have none of my own space... and I feel like I can't say anything about it cos I don't want to upset anyone, particularly J cos then he'll get to thinking that I don't like his daughter.

To make it worse, as she was shutting a blind, C accidentally broke my 21st birthday gift from Rachel, then stood in the shattered shards of glass stuttering.
I wanted to yell, why the fuck do you have to go into my rooms and shut all the fucking curtains anyway??? What the fuck is with that???? Leave my fucking shit Alllooooooonnnne!!!

But instead I said, 'be careful sweetheart. Move out of the glass and take those socks off, you don't want to get hurt. Accidents like this can happen, we just need to be a litle more careful next time.'

And I swallow my feelings down to the pit of my stomach where they swell so much that I can't sleep.

I have a good idea to start leaving underwear and vibrators out so she'll stop going through my stuff. And then having thoughts like that makes me feel bad cos that obviously means I am a very bad person if I can't deal with how a ten year old makes me feel.
FUCK!

The chick with the dick and the gift for the gab.

TOday as been spent running between home and work cos Xavier has managed to get out. How a Siberian Puppy with newly chopped balls and a bucket on his head managed to get through a ten centre gap in a fence I have no idea. HOwever, he did stop at most of the stores within Brisbane, and all of their owners gave me a call to let me know that he was there.

hmmph.

Spent the weekend up in Yeppoon for J's wedding reception. Twas quite nice and a great opportunity to catch up with not only NOna and Da, but the girls. Saw D and R's new babies and they are sooooooo, sooooooooo cute. Sigh. They both smelt so sweet and clean and babyish and I could have just gobbled them up.

Stu looks like he's moving back to Yeppoon. Apparently he was up there last week! I haven't seen him in years, and would have desperately liked to have seen what he is like now. COnsidering I had an uber crush on him when I was at high school and all. It 's always nice to see where a kid-crush has gone.

Don't pretend you ever forget about me

Welcome home, honey!

Was reminded about this blog the other night, and realised it had been such a long time between any semblance of a real entry.

Since last blog, I proposed to my lover, JP, and we get married on Sept 26. The proposal was gorgeous- at Crystal Creek Rainforest Retreat in Northern New South Wales- involving massage, giant spa bath, glow worms, king sized bed and floor to ceiling windows.

I finished uni, got my teaching degree and am now one of only 54 teachers in South East Qld to be granted a permanent full time teaching position. Talk about lucked out! It is, however, at a very hard school, low socio economic and all that. My kids are mostly Samoan, tongan and vietnamese- and I love them! Teaching music is a whole lot of fun there. Although, I have the day off today due to a dodgy ear and a chest infection. I only have two classes today anyway, so it's not that bad. But I woke up this morning with the worst period cramps I think I've had in a long time, so it's been a bit of a dodgy day.

Home life is actually really fulfilling at the moment. Jp and my relationship has never been so solid, and I really enjoy the strength & trust in it. We've moved into a beautiful queenslander with large yard and brought a puppy into our life- a gorgeous Siberian Husky we have called Xavier. He's just so scrumptious with his cute little nose and sneaky, sneaky ways.

And yes yes, the wedding. Well, it is a very simple Garden do, in botanical gardens with a nice andean band playing. After that, we head back to our home for a bbq and salads. Quite nice, simple and cost effective. Stuff having to pay for everyone else to have a good time- we don't have the money!
Honeymoon looks to be in Cuba over the Christmas holidays- the break in between is to fit with school holidays and allow us to save some more money. Money money money. It's the bain of our life!
Organising the wedding was a bit iffy. Of course, I want my dad to come to the wedding, but at the beginning it was a bit touch and go. People saying they wouldn't come if he was coming blahblah blah. Stressed me out no end. Even now, it stresses me out thinking that my mum, dad and grandparents will be at the same venue at the same time. However, I have a team of dedicated people whose sole responsibility is to ensure they never meet. Opposite ends of the garden and all.
The compromise was that Dad won't be coming to the bbq at home- it's not really a reception, it's just an opportunity for me to stay in my dress for a bit longer and have people round who we couldn't invite to the wedding. And it means no stress for me the more pissed my family members get. ;-)

Speaking of weddings, Fuckface and Superslut got married in Brisbane on the weekend. I was very tempted to call up and tell them congratulations- if the infidelity hasn't caused a rift in their relationship then they were sure to make it until one of them contracts a genital STD, but I didn't. Maybe they both already have one and that's why it's working out.... ;p Good on them, let's hope it wasn't a waste of money for em.

JP is back in the swing of things with football and I am now a football widow. But I've taken up Spanish classes again (real ones this time- with grammar and all) and it is taking up a lot of my time, as is walking the puppy everyday.

Have to lose weight for the wedding!

Chanchita.

A long time lost

Been out of the blogging space for a while- strayed a little on myspace and then on with facebooks. Fad, fad, fad, fad, fad.
I have been doing so much study its been ridiculous and things with jp have been a little up and down. For some reason we've been actually fighting, which is fairly rare for us.
I just want to get through this year and move into some SPACE!
yes, SPACE!

sigh.

Have so much I want to write on here, but I can't, cos it will give the game away. Must be a special secret if I can't share it on the internet.

katch.

Herro Hans Brix!

Sooooo, the old 27th is coming up on July 17th....
For those who may be umming and aaahing about what to get, the following would be nice:

An acoustic guitar
Size 7 and 1/2 in sexy womans shoes (i,e Tony Bianco), preferably red or black
A half day at a spa (oh yum!)
Facial Voucher
A months pass at New Farm Yoga
A Gym Membership somewhere for a month or two (like Healthworks on the River)
Food vouchers at Coles (i know this sounds lame, but money is tight)
A day pass for Woodford Folk Festival
Clearance of the credit card debt! (that last one I can only wish for!)

Thats all I can think of for now. I'm sure I'll think of new stuff later.

School Reunion

Yeppoon High Schools 10 year school reunion will be held in August in Yeppoon somewhere. I think it might be at the bowls club.

Keep it mind to organise transport there, yeppers!

Your space or my space??

I have been somewhat sidetracked in my blogging by JP and my own little myspace.
www.myspace.com/avenellperez

I used to hate it, now I lurve it.

<<>>

The following may or may not have happened:

JP and I opened a joint myspace account (avenellperez)
JP turned 37 on thursday and we went to see Spiderman 3 in Goldclass
I finished my friday 2000 word essay and it was awesome
My fucked up USB shat itself and deleted my 2000 word assignment due monday
I can't get hold of my lecturer to get an extension
JP's dad had a car accident and spent the night in the PA hospital.

I'm so hormonal there's not enough cookie dough in the world...

Thin skin of water

Am laying low on the blog site for a while.

Got horrendously ripped into by He Who Shall Remain Nameless via email and have taken hard core offence.

I haven't had anyone speak (or write) to me like that in a very long time. I have so much more to say but I will censor myself before someone else does it.

i miss melbourne....

I-keeee-YA!

The detox is officially over and I still haven't taken up bread, milk, coffee or sugar again. I just feel sooooo good!

I am going to try to stay off the caffeine and sugar until after all the assignments are in. My mind is so clear, and I know how fuzzy it can get when I'm caffeine dependant and haven't had my fix.

So instead I'm having warm water and lemon juice. The smell of coffee still drives me insane!

I get my first assignment that i handed in back today. Am quite nervous. need to pass, need to pass, need to pass.

I was so set on getting D's- but it's just so hectic and there are so many assessments that I'm just concentrating on getting them in and getting them over the line. I would die if I just got a pass on anything though!

We finally got a new single bed for the front room for when Chantae comes. By the weekend, it should be all done up with matching side drawer and lamp for her to have her very own space. JP just has to put it all together.

Good luck to him, I say. God bless ikea.

Last night I was in the shower when Rae-rae called. Jp comes in with my phone and I thought cos I haven't spoken to her in ages I'll take the call.

So I'm in the shower talking on my mobile when she tells me she GOT INTO NEIGHBOURS!
I screamed the house down and had to get out so I could hear all about it. So there I am dripping wet, wearing only my shower cap where i get to hear all the juicy details about the upcoming story line.

Which I'm not going to tell.

But YAY! for Rae!

Back to school

So I've had a week 'off' at home- if you can call it that. Yes, I slacked off over the actual easter holiday (Friday, Sat and Sun) but when it came to monday I knucked down and was pretty much studying all day, everyday. I got a fair wack of work done on the assignments, but it doesn't feel like enough....

So many assignments, so little time.

The news has been absolutely rampant with that whole American massacre at school thing. And even after all of the bloodshed and the horror, there will be no politician with the balls to just recall guns and make it so much harder to access weaponry.

It took Port Arthur to get the Aussies to do it, and even after that, there were some redneck aussies who caused a stink.

Having held a semi automatic with (i think it was a grenade or small missile) launcher attached to it, the sense of awe you feel is incredible. That one little touch of this trigger could take someones breath away- permanently. It's scary.

And what about the stupid fucks who say Guns don't kill people, people kill people. It's sure as hell alot harder to kill 33 people in cold blood using a baseball bat or a kitchen knife. Fools.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-g1dVoo7bk

Yeah!

Detox- Day Three

It seems most of my withdrawal symptoms have passed, having woke up this morning feeling refreshed and vibrant. I feel happy and clean.

I worked hard and late last night, so I slept in til 8.30, got up, had a shower and hit the books straight away. I finally seem to be getting somewhere with my Constructivism in Education assignment- my mind is functioning again!!

Yesterday, I peed 22 times. I've already forgotten to tally todays efforts, though the Bowel Cleanse and Stomach Clear tablets I'm taking have kicked in to give me a good case of the trots.

The other good news is my period stopped after only three and a half days- second month running. I hope this is a trend that continues for a very long time....

Detox Diva

I'm on Day 2 of my detox and I feel like absolute shit.

I'm tired, achey, my head is sooooo ridiculously fuzzy it is almost difficult to see. It's definitely difficult to concentrate. I'm irritable and oh so very, very tired.

No caffeine, no sugar, no tea, no dairy (my god, no cheese!!!), no wine (!!!), no yeast, wheat, or artificial anything.

I have rediscovered celery and hommus. I have a counter overflowing with fresh fruit and vegetables and a small stash of gluten-free pasta (yes, it does exist!)

But I really only have today and tomorrow of feeling like crap before I start to feel wonderful. I love the way I feel once I've detoxed- clean, energy efficient and never tired. and my skin just glows.

Todays task is to count how many times I pee. Yesterday, I should have just moved the laptop into the toilet I was peeing so much. Thats what you get when you drink about four litres of water over the course of the day!

Already, I have peed four times (not counting the two very early morning pit stops that took me from my slumber) and drunk a litre & a half of water.

I've been up for an hour.

A brusha brusha brusha

Well it seems that my time of being the dental hygiene postergirl has finally finished, much to my dismay.

A tooth on the right side of my mouth was feeling funny, so i decided to head over to the dentist to a quick checkup.

I have two fissures on my lovely molars- cracks along the centre like a crack in a rock. The cracks have gotten deeper and now they've almost reached to the bottom.

According to the quote from my dentist, i am looking at a $1316.00 tooth. Thats a full crown on one tooth, and to fix the crack on the other. Or I can leave it go and end up getting a root canal.

Just when i thought we were finally getting on top of things... sigh.

Where'd I put that credit card?????

This ain't a scene it's a damn arms race

Got the internet connected at home and we now have a 'family' email.. how white picket fenceish.

I may have sent JP out this morning to pick up a telephone cable so we could set up the modem, and he may or may not have come back two and a half hours later with a new home telephone, a dvd/video player and the telephone cable. And a pair of discount sunglassess.

I may or may not have promptly confiscated his credit card.

Running on empty

So, once again, I get into our car to head to uni, turn on the ignition, and notice the I'm really fucking empty sign of an orange petrol bowser highlighted on my dashboard.

I clearly remember this being on when the boy went to training the previous evening.

So he had gone to training with the empty sign showing, come home with the empty light showing and NOT BOTHERED TO FILL THE FUCKER UP!

AGAIN!

Soooo, I go out of my way (again) to find a petro station (again) freaking out that the car will konk out before I get there and fill up the goddam car (again) before heading off to uni and being late for my workshop meeting (again).

Lucky for someone I had run out of credit on my mobile, or else they would have known immediately how horrendously cranky I was at them. Instead, I get to seeth on it and let my shittiness about it boil in the pit of my stomach.

I hope he can feel it from a distance.

Can you feel it? hmmmm???

pfffffffffffffffff!

Little Pig, little pig, let me in....

Well as you can see I've changed the Url so that I don't come up so easily on google.
You can still find me, but it's not as easy.

We had a wonderful weekend- we had C for the weekend so we spent it watching DVD's and reading the Adventures of Captain Underpants.

Last night we went on our first 'date' in aaaages, spending the evening at Satchmo's listening to blues and drinking red wine. Had heaps of fun. I think I will look into the whole concept of a fortnightly mandatory date thing.

It works well in more ways than one!

Steer harder, forever forward

Didn't get to bed til 2 am on monday due to customers not leaving the bar till I forcibly had to kick them out! Ridiculous. That always seems to muck up the rest of the week, as I'm constantly trying to catch up on my sleep and my work.

Finally put the lap top in to have the cd/dvd drive fixed. i hope the bastards don't charge me too much.

I am currently reviewing whether I should be deleting the blog or not. I start prac teaching in a few weeks, and I've had a number of people who have suggested it go. mainly cos the little buggers might google me and come up with this.

But the thing is, I don't want to delete it. It's got so much of what I've been up to. I wonder if i can transfer it to another site and just delete my names??

We will have to see.

fuckface and superslut take on the world!

Well well well...

A little birdy has told me two of the navy bikes are getting married. To each to other.

That's right! Fuckface and Superslut are tying the not. This, I think, is hilarious.

Mostly because once a cheater, always a cheater, and a semi-reliable birdy has told me that they still can't stay faithful to each other, with *slight* indescretions a-here and a-there.

Oh, one must laugh.

And laugh and laugh and laugh.

Good luck. It might just work.. but i doubt it. I wonder whether the divorce will come before or after children?

I am soooooo, so happy I never ended up there. I don't think anyone has any idea just how happy I am that I got out.

Thank you, Lord!

slow train to siberia

I am soooo tired.

i have decided to stop working weeknights and go into work only on friday and saturdays. I am falling behind in my work and it is just toooooo much.

On the uni front, I have my first assessment piece due in tomorrow.. it is a group workshop (with five others) on Middle schooling. There are five awesome girls - including myself- who over the past two weeks have met every second or third day to put together the best ever interactive workshop to get the most out of our 40% of our over all mark.

and then theres Sacha. or Alexander, what ever you want to call him.

he doesn't come to our meetings.
He doesn't explain why he doesn't turn up.
he won't contribute in class time.

he thinks he's all that cos he teaches a school choir or two, one day a week and was trained in russia.

We consulted our lecturer on what we were meant to do about it, considering half marks are for the group 'dynamic' and the other half is for your individual contribution/teaching.

So the lecturer says they believe he has anger management issues and therefore shouldn't be approached! Just 'work around it as mush as you can'.

Well.. step away from the angry white russki!

Any man who says you can't be a teacher unless you have children, then fails to contribute to group assignments IN ANY WAY WHATSOEVER, should put his russian head in a freezer and never pull it out again.

fool.

Freeze, fuckers!

Here's me at a beautiful set of ruins on the Inca Trail- they're the last ones before Machu Piccu, and stunningly beautiful. Nestled in mountains with waterfalls around it and pristine gullies on three sides. Cool, huh?

On the home front.. Richie called last night and offered us the use of his refridgerator. I was suitably impressed for the following reasons:

a) I believe he called me on his own initiative and I hadn't spoken to him in weeks

b) I believe he offered it on his own initiative

These rare moments makes me happy he still thinks of me and I don't annoy him as much as i think I do.

So we are going to steal richies fridge til we can afford to get a new one, which will probably be towards the end of the year. His fridge is much bigger than ours. and it works.

Joy!

Incan inspiration

trekked the first day of inca trail.

At this point, I had yet to experience day two. And real pain.

Alleyamin!

The happy couple in Lake Titicacan traditional native dress. It's all hand made! everything!

I look burnt. (probably cos I was)

Cheesey goodness

Well, we're into the second week and I'm freaking out! FREAKING OUT, PEOPLE! There is a lot more time needed to study and organise my 14 pieces of assessment before they need to be handed in on week 8. I am waitressing 6 nights a week now, and I feel that this will have to stop. I will have to work up the courage to talk to them about it.

It was during our re-assessment of our finances last night (we do this to make sure we are not overspending and putting money aside for when the bills come) that we discover our refridgerator is on the blink. It's not cold on the inside, and the outside is burning to the touch. My beloved cheese has gone all sweaty and melted. Whinge. I've been having lukewarm milk on my cereal for the last few days but I've been too scared to mention it.

Fuck. We both look at each other. Fuck fuck fuck.

I say: It will last.

he says: till when? tomorrow?

Me: ummmm.

Dismayed pause.

Me: perhaps the seals aren't sealing? maybe we should call a technician?

him: or we should look at interest free finance....

me: no!

The fridge is only seven or eight years old. How long do fridges last for? I thought they were like a 10 or 15 year thing?? Who just buys fridges?? Ridiculous!

Mmmmm.... chicken

Fisted without no lubrication.

There is no union on campus. Nothing. Nada. Nup. There is nothing to address student needs/health/sexual services or campaigners for the little man.

No student support services except a small uni group which offers sport enrolments and a free pen.

I hope howard loses the next election and then develops an incurable disease where he's constantly bleeding out of his rectum.

pffff.

P's mean degrees, HD's mean a job

hi ho, hi ho, it's off to uni I go.

yes, that's right! First week of Uni has begun. I am really enjoying it already, though it really fucking freaks me out. We have three years worth of information crammed into only one year of uni, so I'm on the fast track to fun times and financial incapacitation.

A big thank you to the cash cow for being prepared to support me through this. We are sooooo on a budget... we take a calculator to the supermarket to make sure we don't overspend. I put the goods in the trolley, call out 'a dollar fifty three' and Cashcow pops it in and adds it all up.
Last week JP had to go without ice cream. I went without my organic tofu.

We DO NOT scrimp on the freerange eggs, that's for sure. I pfffff you non-free-range-egg-eaters! PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!

Anyway- JP's started a new job out near Griffith, so we have started the week by carpooling. We shall see how it goes.

Oh oh yeah!! WE GOT A NEW CAR! First joint purchase with a boy, and JP feels this is fairly significant. It is now the second official thing that is ours. (The first being the BBQ). I would have preferred a puppy, but a puppy can't get me places.

I believe I may have the beginnings of the 'oh my god i'm going to be 27 this year and I'm developing a nesting syndrome' syndrome. It's freaky. I'm all puppies and dogs and gardening. I need a good night out to get my debaucherous self back...

I have also started a new part time job, working nights at a BBQ restaurant in new farm. The pay is better that Anise, but the tips are really crap. I am saving the tips to be able to afford a hair cut- first one in almost three months. (yes, that is why i am always wearing a headband).

My lecturer made us raise our hands for who held a part time job. I raised my hand. Then she said- 'most of you won't have it by the end of this term, let alone the semester'. Great.
I am waiting on Austudy to get back to me about my app. I was very tempted to lie about JP as my partner, and have him only as my 'roommate/flatmate' but I can't do it. Too worried about getting caught and I'm a stickler for honesty.

Fuck it.

oh well. If they piss me off I guess I'll just have to go all emo on their assess- dress in black and whine when there's nothing I can do about it.

Would you like fries with that?

Well we made it back alive and now I am in the awful process of finding a job. It must be done, I suppose.

I did however, for the first time in my life, apply for government assistance. Yes, I applied for Austudy. I figure all the fucking taxes that I have paid I am gonna try and get something back for my losses. hahahaha.

Spent the morning applying for waitressing jobs and a wee brisk walk in the am. I am determined to lose a further six kilos. It must be done. Oh yes it must.

Oh. And school reunion is on in June. How exciting. There is an evil rumour Ingrid is coming briefly back from Belgium solely for the reunion.... yes, you heard it here folks.

Am trying to get the internet and home phone back on, but who knows. You may have to wait a while for the next installment.

I have also decided to regrow my nails.

So the journey begins....

im on my way (uh huh uh huh uh huh)

Thanks to jhan for sorting our the rent situation. Thanks be to God that the rents still in our account that we never use and we therefore havent spent it!!! hahahahaha.

We arrive back on friday at around 7.30 in the morning, and hopefully the whole customs things wont take to long. Johnnys dad is gonna pick us up, and we will prob spend sat with his fam and sunday with ours. Will let everyone know on friday.

The home phone should be disconnected, so you will only get me on the moby.

I havent had much of a chance to post cos its been so hectic.. that and bolivia and perus internet aint so crash. I will do a retrospective upon my return. Be prepared to read, fuckers!

see you all soon.

Onto Bolivia!!

Well I managed to get Richie and Dad for their birthdays, but couldnt get to a phone for Kell or Rach.

But Happy Birthday to you both, sorry I was on the road.

We have successfully finished the Inca Trail and have been home staying in a native village. No electricity. It was very cool.

The internet I{m on is quite shoddy, so have to go.
Am fine and safe and spending more than I should.

Oh' and the bastards at kuceli have been failing to deduct our rent, though theres heaps of money in there. Jhan, i sent them an email but cold you let us know if they have sent a letter. We are waitng on contact from them.

ñlove katchia

Breathing in the dust of the dead.

So we made it into Lima, spent a few days there absorbing the sites and the music, and are now off on our tour. There are a total of 8 people on this one- including Johnny, myself and the guide Tito- so it´s quite small and fun.

Round Lima we visited some awesome Cathedrals and catacombs where the bodies of tens of thousands of people were buried. the skulls and remaining bones are still on display. It was odd walking through the underground chambers with the damp smell of decay. Odd but cool.

From Lima, we took the bus to Pisco and saw the Ballestas Islands. Unfortunately, Johnny got a travelling bug and spent most of the morning worshiping his own god at the porcelain bowl (both ends) so he missed it. He managed to pull himself together using some super strenth antibiotics and a shitload (excuse the pun) of Gastrostopper to join us on a hardcore dune buggy excursion and sandboarding escapade. Johnny took one hell of a stack coming down a mother of a dune, and now has awesome bruising on his left side. I was a bit more tame and went down on my belly. haha.

we are now in Nazca where we saw the Nazca Line from the air... a shitty little cessna where I got tremendously motion sick. I took nausea tablets before I left, and therefore managed not to spew, but the whole day has been pretty wasted because I´ve been so trashed. I am never taking Avomime again.

we are off to Arequipa tonight in search of the peruvian condor, so it will probably be a few more days before I write again.

Otherwise everything is good and we are having a ball.

Something´s stinky here.

Today, after changing some money and having a rather late breakfast we decided to head out and see the markets of Belen.

This is the poor area of town, and the majority of the dwellings are built on stilts over the waters. It´s ramshackle, with heaps of dogs, and the markets there go on forever.

We take a motor taxi (a threewheeled motorbike for passengers) to the market, where we see stalls and stalls of thongs. Thongs everywhere!

We venture in through the throng of thongs and people, and stumble into the food market. And fish. And chicken carcasses. There is dead poulty everywhere!!!

And it smells to high heaven.

We continue to womble through this intricate maze of blood, stench, garbage and people until we find ourselves inexplicably lost. We decide to turn left and hope for the best.

We battle through it until FINALLY we get out of the markets- only to find ourselves in an uber dodgy part of town, surrounded by water on three sides, tumble down dwellings and two boys following us. One quite obviously, the other quite surreptitiously.

Johnny stops each one and yells at them for following us. They slink away, and the locals girls smile shyly at us.

We continue walking, just to see, and eventually decide to turn around and go back. About two minutes after this, we notice a gang of boys following us. This scares the crap out of me, and I keep looking back, which makes Johnny a bit anxious cos then they know that I know they´re following us and they should then make their move to rob us.

We get out of that street fast, and escape back into the relative safety of the market and the stench of food left out in the tropical sun.

We womble back up the hill, bearing the stench as best as we can, and then we stumble across monkeys. Little monkeys and pre-historic turtles and parrots for sale. A little boy tried to pat the monkey and it went ballistic at him, so we didn´t try. No rabies for these little ducks.

Eventually we stumbled out into traffic, took the first available mototaxi back into town, where we are now considering the general need for a beer. Or possible three..

So, still alive. Coul´d have been abducted but didn´t and otherwise okay.

Iquitos is super tranquillo by peruvian standards, and it really is very safe here.

Love you all lots.

xxxx.

Marmalade sandwhiches in deepest darkest peru

For those that know Paddington Bear, you´ll know the marmalade sandwhich loving bear was from Lima in deepest darkest peru, and unfortunately I can´t tell you much about it as we have only seen the airport.

The airport floor, that is.

That´s right, we spent 6 uncomfortable hours camped out in a corner on a cold, cold floor waiting for our flight. We did this to save money on a room we wouldn´t really use, and obviously to wait for our conecting flight to Iquitos in the Amazon Junle.

I had the forsight to take my sleeping bag and eye mask with me, so I got a good 3 or 4 hours sleep. Poor johnny got absolutely none! The floor was cold and he felt the heroicly wonderful need to keep watch on the line of grongo´s and gringa´s who had done the same thing as me, from the theiving hands of the young locals.

Bless!

Made it into Iquitos and took a taxi in to the city centre. Found a box of a hostel that let us have a ´matrimonial´suite, which means the bed is a double bed and not too singles. Unfortunately it squeaks VERY BADLY, so the night time escapades have been kept to a minimum by this blushing beauty....

Yesterday, we took a fucking fantastic cruise through the Amazon Jungle and river, as well as the Momoa River and some other river I can´t remember. Because it´s the low season, it was only johnny and I on the cruise, and it was awesome!

We stopped at the Yagua tribe, a native indian tribe which painted our faces and took us on a trek through the Amazon jungle. We saw monkeys and hunted for tarantulas and got bitten by giant ants. Some of the mosquitos were bigger than johnny´s fingernails, and there were butterflies as big as my hands!!

After there, we went to a boa zoo, where we basically got to wear a giant anaconda. It was the biggest snake you´ve ever seen! and fucking heavy! It´s eyes were a milky white as it was about to shed it´s skin in the next couple of days.

And, most important part of this place was the sloths!!!!

SLOTHS!!!

I got to hold-and carry- my own, sweet little huggable sloth called Maria. sigh. I want one.
They are the most docile and lovable little vegetarians in the world.. (besides my sweet self, of course.)

After this, we went for a cruise up to where the three rivers of the Amazon meet, to see the pink dolphins play. These are funny shaped freshwater dolphins that are a soft baby pink in colour, with box shaped nobby heads.

I am getting wonderfully browned, although there is a distinct line were my bra strap is. We leave here in Friday the 12th to head into Lima and suss out some music.

Peruuuuuu!

After leaving calama on a bus that stank of toilet we endured a 7 hour bus ride on to Iquique. Here we stayed the night and promptly left in the morning for Arica.

Iquique felt dark and dangerous, to be honest, and the hostal where we stayed had no power when we arrived. There was also a very rowdy and energised group of soccerfans celebrating the win of their team, and they were dutifully followed by police on dirt bikes and a rather large water canon.

Regardless, we ventured into the (dark) streets looking for food. There was chicken, chicken and chips, chicken and pasta, or some beef things.

We chose the chicken. And I, unfortunately, had to choose the chicken.

A quarter roasted chicken came out on the plate with a bit of plain pasta on the side. Johnny tucked in whilst I attempted to seperate the flesh from the (*gag*) bone. I managed a little and began to eat it. Oh my god, the feeling of that squidginess in my mouth- the tendons and crap on my tongue was sooo revolting I gagged. I honestly did. I didn´t finish it

Unfortunately, besides the occasional cheese sandwhiches, in most small towns this is the only thing they have.

Don´t think this is the beginning of a new meaty life.

Anyway, we took a lovely bus up to Arica, where we crossed the border into Peru. When you leave the Chilean bus terminal, there are people everywhere trying to get you in their car. We thought about it, but went with the much safer and legal option.

We were also offered pot, but sweetly declined.

We are now in peru and taking the next flight up to Lima and onwards into the deep dark amazon basin. only accessible by air. and the occasional slow boat.

Cool!!

Random Cross No. 27

We left Calama and headed by bus into San Pedro de Atacama. We arrive to find a small Atacameño village with dirt roads, lots of dogs and fair whack of tourists.

Everyone comes here to see the Geyers and the Valle de la Luna, or to take the overland andean adventure into Bolivia.

We found an absolutely gorgeous hostel, just of the main drag for $10 bucks each a night. It had hammocks and a small kitchen, which called for the purchase of beer and beans, and a relax in the courtyard.

Yesterday was such a long day- got up at 3.30 am to take a bus out to the Geyers on the Salar ed Atacama and to see the sunset on moon valley.

Now, we are taking the bus up to Iquique before heading across the border into Peru.

And for our nex trick, ladies and gentlemen...

Immediately after new years, we booked our flight to Calama and set off the next day. Oh my god the flight was dodgy. Dodgy but cheap.

The paint on the plane was coming off, and inside the lights and panelling were held together with tape. The emergency exit sign looked very well worn and the interior wobble from side to side during take off and turbulence. It definitely got me closer to God.

aaaanyway, a rough ride and some exceptional airsickness later we land just outside the Andean foothills and catch a cab into Calama. The taxi man indicates whether we want the meter on or not- I say yes. We get going and the meters fuckin dodgy. I say to Johnny- the meters dodgy, can you say something to him??

Johnny: Thats rude!
me: It´s fucking dodgy man! Look at it!!! Say something!!!

Johnny attempts a weak, is there something wrong with your meter??

Cabby: No. No!! here is hotel.
It was a park.
Me¨: Are you sure? I don´t think so, it looks like a park.

Johnny: No, it must be our hotel.
Me: No, it looks fuckin dodgy. It was a dodgy meter and he hasn´t dropped us at the hotel!
Johnny pays the cabby, we get out bags and the cabby runs.

Turns out we WERE in a park. Johnny paid a cab ride of $10 AUS for about 1 km (it was a dodgy meter).

As we trek the remaining three k´s to our hostel, johnny starts to whinge about being ripped off.
I won´t listen, cos I told you so, repeatedly and you wouldn´t listen.

The greenhorn just got his cherry popped and now he´s learnt to fuck em before they fuck him.
Even so far as to purchase a calculator and add the bill up on his own.

Bless!

Felize Ano Nuevo!!

Happy New Year!!! I´m slightly depressed about it cos it means I will be 27 this year.. phoa. Ten years out of university and only a passport with stamps really to show.

That and a fat ass!

New Years in Viña del Mar was pretty cool. Cristian, Johnny, myself and two girls (Katariña who is Cristians sort of love interest and her friend Marcella) drove the two hours up there in Cristian´s car. We drove around Vina del Mar and Valpariso, checking out the sites, taking photographs and generally running amuck. We went to a beach in Con Con, but there is a petroleum factory right next door that pumps waste into the water, so we sat around and ate empañadas n drank beer instead.

After wombling around looking for Cristians friend (whose flat we were meant to be staying in) we met him on the beach. It turns out the ´flat´ is actually a hotel.

We drive out to the hotel, which is out in the sticks with dirt roads and this weird string curtain that you drive through to get in. We get out of the car, into our rooms ready for a shower and check out the room we´ve got. (we´ve got one, cristian and the girls have another).

Turns out the place we were staying was a bloody ´happy hotel´!You can rent it by the hour, or for the night!!! We walk in, there´s ´sensuous´pictures on the walls, 24 hour free pornography, and a light behind the bed that lights up a mirror and this weird sex picture- it was very cool!!!

After having a shower, we went into Viña for dinner, met up with some of Cristians friends who lived in a high rise by the beach. From this awesome vantage point we saw the New Years fire works (like Riverfest for those in Brisvegas) and counted down the year. Then we danced in the living room to old fashioned chilean songs.

At around 2 in the morning, we went to the new years party we had paid for- a new years party where the doors don´t open til one!!

Danced the night away til six in the morning, then headed back to the hotel.

We fell asleep immediately after a shower, and woke up to our hotel door being opened. In comes Katariña.

Her: Can I sleep in with you?
Me¨: Okay.

I gave her a pillow and she climbed in, and we both went to sleep. About an hour later she gets up to use the loo. I shook Johnny and said ¨Katarina´s sleeping in with us. Don´t get up and walk around.´Thats cos johnny was naked..

He is oblivious to it all. He rolls over and farts the most awful smelling fart I have ever experienced. I shake the covers off and it is worse!!

So here we are, Johnny naked in bed with two girls and a bed that smells of bad eggs and three week old ham. And then there was Johnny´s snoring......

A few hours later, Katarina leaves and Johnny eventually wakes up.

I said ´how do you feel being in a porno hotel with two girls in your bed??
The idiot was so drunk he didn´t even know. What a shame.

New Years in Vina Del Mar

Went out on friday night to the local club and had a bit of a boogie. You don´t even think about going out before one in the morning here. A typical chilean day is go to work at 8.30 am, come home at 5.00, chill out, have few drinks, hang around the house, have a few more drinks, then start getting ready at midnight.

Shops also don´t open til 10.00 am, so there´s very few places for breakfast.

Santiago is a smoggy city, fairly expensive actually, so we are walking around a lot and spending as little as possible.

Met Cristian´s mum yesterday, and we wandered round the Santiago looking at all the tourist attractions. Cristian pays for his mama´s rent and his own- it appears is engineering job is highly lucrative.

It´s ridiculously hot here, and I am sweating like a bush pig. Tonight, we go to Vina Del Mar for a massive new years party. Vina is like the gold coast apparently, lots of partying.

After getting over our hangover, we´ll head up to Calama ( a 30 hour bus ride or a 3 hour flight) to see St Pedro De Atacama and figure out how we are gonna get into Peru. At least we finally have our hotel destination, which I´m happy about.

Oh yeah- we´ve been eating at home to save money, and it means I can still stay vegetarian cos we can make meat free pasta and beans and stuff. Apparently though, chilean cuisine is meant to have more options than peru and bolivia, so god knows what it´s gonna be like when we head up north. Hopefully I´ll lose some weight!

Sandwhiches, sandwhiches..

Well we are here in chile and running amuck. I´ve been pretty sleepy since we got here suffering from the worst jet lag I have ever had. The three hours sleep before the flight, the NO sleep during the flight and then going out for drinks the first night we arrived didn´t help much.

Johnny´s been running around with the energy of a rabbit, which has annoyed me greatly. I have, however, finally gotten some sleep and I am now the happy, bouyant Katchia we all know and love.

Unfortunately, I have since discovered my name means Fuck in Chilean spanish. Great. As I was getting introduced during drinks, I was wondering why the girls were blushing and not looking at me. I have to decide whether to call myself Katie, Anne or Katarina. I´m going for Katarina or Katya. This is worse than my name in hindi, which meant mud puddle.

Anyway, so all is well, we are fine and taking our time touring the streets.

There is no vegetarian food here, everything is meat. And everybody sells sandwhiches. sandwhiches everywhere!! It appears to be the national dish.

Love ya.
Katchia out.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

I quit my job.
They haven't paid me properly.
We fly out at 9.00 am on Wednesday morning.

Yay!

Still haven't packed and have lost myself in the pain of the Christmas hangover.

Do you Haiku?

I like to Haiku.
I like to masturbate too.
One then the other.



Thanks Meaky.

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

With this one, I never lie in bed at night with a hollow feeling in my stomach wondering whether I really love him. Or if I love him enough.

I sleep. There is no hollowness.

Because I know.

And because of this, I am happy.

the gift that keeps on giving

Our office has run out of stationary. We have one cartridge to share between 4 printers, which can only be used for uber special documents.

I haven't printed anything all day.

Instead, I've been working on the company asset register; photographing, inventoring and labelling our items in the event they get reposessed.

Myself and my immediate boss are the only people who know this- everyone else is blissfully unaware.

Merry Christmas and Happy Hannukkah!

Farty farty fart pants

Oh the embarrassment...

My boss's computer system is down, so I call the IT support guy to come up and fix it (cos I couldn't).

Now Josh is quite nice- young, cute and tech savvy. We generally exchange pleasantries- he talks about his car and his weekends at the beach, and I talk about what we've been up to and our dilemmas with the car.

So he's fixing the computer and I'm doing general no-harm-low-level-flirting, office flirting I like to call it. Talk 'em up, smile nice, and you get everything done immediately and generally with a discount.

So here I am doing the smile, laugh, and how is your family line when he makes a joke, I laugh and fart myself stupid.

Loudly.

You can't not notice it, or the horrified look on my face.

I thank god it doesn't smell. Loud, but not proud, so I guess that's a saving grace.

I spend thirty seconds talking cover up crap, aware my face is going beetroot red. Then I run into my office and hang my head in shame.

hahahahahaha.

Ps

PS. I should point out I finally did get paid the other week. Borrowed from another company and their accounts.

There are high level hopes we will get paid on this friday but I doubt it.

I don't have any stationary cos we've run out, and we don't have any money to buy cartridges. The online office distributor has frozen our accounts.

I have minor things to do, but no way of doing it.

Yay for bludging cos there's nothing you can do.

No pay means no work

I have spent the day surfing the internet, sending emails and organising my uni workload for next year.

I've also spent it reading 'The Big Shift' by Bernard Salt which I thoroughly recommend.

I don't feel bad. Yesterday, the business was summons to court for it's creditors. This time, on Monday, I REALLY am giving my notice.

Find a downtown whore to make you look hardcore

Still haven't been paid.

One week and five days overdue. Apparently the 'cheque' is coming in this afternoon, so theoretically I should be getting paid by Friday.

We are know practically insolvent- no cash at all- although a sneak peak through the records shows they are running at an exceptional loss (with three projects millions of dollars in debt) and $7000 in an account that’s been frozen for some reason.
I have also discovered they are a defendant in court action, which has been ongoing for some time.
Johnny sat me down the other night and pretty much told me he didn’t want me working there anymore. I was like- but surely we need the money.
Him: but your not getting paid
Me: I probably will eventually!!! So you would rather me sitting at home doing singing practice then be at work.
Him: At least I know you’d be doing something where you’ll get an end result!

Intresting.

Something to think about...

Building the foundations to dig them out from under your feet

Well, been over a week now and I still haven't been paid.

Went into the office and enquired whether it would be sometime soon and he said it should go into my account over the weekend...

Does anyone else smell fish??

I'm giving my resignation on monday.

Oh Happy Day!

News! News! News!

I got accepted into Griffith Uni for my Post Grad!!! Awesome!

Dad called me tonight to tell me the letter was in. I told him to open it- especially seeing as I had given strict instructions to Gillian to open anything from any uni.

And I'm in!! So I am SOOOOOOO going to accept.

After I hung up from Dad, Mum and I talked about whether to go with UQ or Griffith, and Griffith actually fits into my plans for next year better- plus there's the Conservatorium I can get discounts to.

After House (the tv show) mum goes to bed and an hour later Dad rocks up with a bottle of Bollinger and my acceptance letter.

I shat myself- my mother is lying in the front room and Dad's in my lounge room. I had no idea what to do. I really wanted Dad there- he hasn't had a cup of tea in my house for aaages, but I know how mum feels...

Fuck.

I pointed out to Dad that mum was actually asleep in the front room he had just walked through and then he shat himself.

Him: Should I say hello?

Me: I think not. I think it's just best to run.

So we hugged, he put the Bolly on the table and went off into the night.


So now I worry that Mum feels bad about me having Dad here while she's here- and I also feel bad that maybe Dad thinks I brushed him off when he came all this way to congratulate and celebrate with me.

God Help me if I should ever have children or get married...

But the good news is.....

I GOT INTO UNI!!!!!!

Bechol boker mitoreret
sama perach bachalon
she echakeh lechah
she tavoh hayom

Al tasi lo heshbon

Yaron informs me he has a puppy. A sweet little girl thing which he has named 'Shemesh'.

Shemesh (pronounced she as in Shetland pony and mesh, as in a mesh screen) means sun in
Hebrew.

He's gonna send me some pictures. ;-)

(I want a puppy.)

To prostitute my soul would cost me less

It would appear there are some minor *cough* financial difficulties surrounding the firm I am currently working on, and this really doesn’t bode well for its future. Let me spin the story….
(hear: Wayne’s World alternative ending noises.. doo doo doo dooooo, doo doo doo dooooo)

My last pay day was technically November 03rd, but most commonly I am paid on the Tuesday before the Friday of pay week. However, by the Friday 03.11 I still had not received my pay in my pocket.
No worries, I think. This may be a small technical glitch in the form of the delays in transferring funds from one financial institution to another. A common two or three day delay. I had also recently changed bank account to my ING Direct, so I was worried it might have gone off into cyberland.

Come Monday- no mulah.
Tuesday- No cash. No-one else in the company has been paid either, including the execs.
Interesting… I think.
Wednesday- I polish off my balls and make a b-line for the bosses office.

This ends with the boss telling me he ‘doesn’t have the ability to spend money right now.
Me: It’s not spending. It’s supporting your employees. That’s why it’s called a salary.

I then give him a lecture on the importance of open communication with staff and he in turn, gives me a lecture on the unpredictability of business development.

I bit my tongue, but in Katchia World, I said: Well, if you didn’t bite of more than you could chew, and have the policies and procedures in place to effectively manage your projects, and weren’t so emotionally invested in these developments, we wouldn’t be in this position.

But I didn’t.

I said, In future, I would like you to tell me when funds aren’t going to be in my account, as I have automatic repayments that are deducted.

End discussion.

By the Friday, I still didn’t have my money.
I rang the office of fair trading and chatted with some lovely ladies about my options. Basically, I had none.
If I stopped work because he hadn’t paid me, he could then not pay me at all as Lieu of Notice. If I kept working and he went belly up, I could apply to the government for a partial recovery of my owed salary, which would take months.
Fascists!

So I walked into his office again and sit my lovely self down.
Me: There appears to be a problem where I still haven’t been paid. Is there an issue?
Him: Not really.
Me: Because if there was an issue, I would expect to be told about it. I would expect the common courtesy of being able to organise my financial affairs around the business financial issues.
Him: I have some money in an account, but I can’t actually spend it yet.
Me: It’s not spending!
He then gives me the low down where the investors are all antsy in their pantsy because he hasn’t delivered on his projects and they want to pull their funds. All four mill plus for each of us.

We currently have $50,000 in a single account and that’s it.

Me: Well, I’m going to tell you something honestly now. I’m not like your other staff. I won’t work for free. Music is probably the only thing anyone can get me to do without paying for it. And this isn’t music.
You need to tell me the day of my pay that you can’t pay me, and give me the courtesy of being able organise my finances around it. Is that understood?

Him: Yes.

Me: Will this be a continuing issue?

Him: No. Not that I’m aware of.

Me: Good.

I got paid that day. Sucks for the interest I would have accrued in my savings account. My pay turned up 11 days later than it should have.

It’s now been three days after the latest pay day, and I still haven’t been paid.
I can’t work like this.
I think I might have to charge him a late payment fee….

Who wants my panties?

I woke up this morning to find the washing that I had lazily left out on the line had disappeared.

At least, all my panties and my nice pretty dresses were gone- JP's work shirts and casual clothes were still there.

But my favourite brown dress, which we bought in Byron Bay on our first getaway is gone.

BITCHES!

A little confusion goes a long long way

These last 24 hours have been absolute crap.

Crap crap crap crap crap.

Mum and I had a huuuuuuuuuuge fight. Huge. And we went to bed all suky and shit, so I woke up this morning with big swollen eyes, an incredibly sore head and with a general feeling of aches and malaise.

JP goes to get his daughter. While he's gone, I bake butterfly cakes, clean and sweep and mop the house, put a load of washing on and spray for bugs. I sit down with the dog for a moment to rest my sore, sore eyes from all the cryin last night, and he comes home. So it looks like i've been sitting on my ass for the entire morning.

him: We're going to the movies, are you coming?'

me:Well, what time is it on? What are you seeing?

He checks the movie times.

him: We're seeing Santa Clause 3, and I forgot my wallet so I thought I'd take the girls to macdonalds on the way. Are you coming?

me: Well what time is it on? What's happening?

him: 11.30. I thought I'd take the girls to macdonalds on the way cos I forgot my wallet this morning. look if you don't want to come just say so. come on girls, put your dolls in the car.'

me: I'm feeling really tired.. did the girls want to have breakfast here and play with the barbies, I'll put on a bra and we'll go then.'

him: No, katchia. All you do is sleep. It's fine. just forget it.

So I get all confused and he starts running out the door with his daughter and niece. All I wanted to know was what was going on... were we going straight to the movies, then lunch at his sisters? Could I have a chance to talk to mum about it to see how she felt being left in the house by herself for most of the day. Would she be okay?

Didn't get a chance. Not even for a compromise such as 'why don't you go to the movies with the girls, come back and pick me up and we'll go to your sisters from there?'

I hadn't finished icing all the butterfly cupcakes for lunch.

Then he says to me, 'I'm not causing a scene in front of my daughter. Just forget it.'

Scene? There was no scene, he just wasn't talking to me or explaining what he was thinking. I'm not a fucking mind reader.

So then he's gone, and I'm left with a sinking feeling, a teary scowl and a dozen cupcakes and a mudcake which now no-one will eat.

It all got out of hand so quickly that I didn't even know what was happening.

I am just so tired. So very, very tired.

Jumpin Jack Flash

Well, one of my friends- let's call him Jack- jumped off the Story Bridge the other week. It would seem it is the result of a sordid love affair gone a tad awry.

Jack, a cute but slightly naiive country boy has been seeing Jill for a few months. At first, they were just fuck friends, both being very popular in the sexual stakes and Jill having just broken up from a four year romance (the boy from which she is travelling o/s to meet up with in a few weeks and she still goes to his families house every thursday night for dinner.)

Aaanyway... during the first few weeks of Jack and Jill fucking each other, Jill casually fucked a mutual gay friend. Gay being male homosexual who whenever he gets super uber duper pissed he may shag a woman.

So Jill, and lets call him Gerald, shagged one night on the sly and Jill swore Gerald to secrecy. But Gerald was getting a bit shitty at Jill for not spending any time with him- they were after all bestest friends and she was spending waaaaay too much time with Jack.

It was also rumoured they (being Jack and Jill) were starting to fall in love.

Thats when Gerald- either forgetting the oh-so-top-secret-pact he had made with Jill to not tell anyone, or in a fit of jealous rage to slow things down- told Jack he had fucked Jill. When they were together.

Jack became super uber upset. From there, the story becomes a little hazy but Jack managed to climb the Story Bridge and jump off; fracturing his tail bone, his legs and an arm, so it is told.

Fortunately, he survived and was fished from the Brisbane River and whisked to hospital. At this point, that's all I know. Jack is damaged, Jill is distraught and no one is talking to Gerald.

Poor Gerald.

Family fun day

Mum's at my house with her cute cue dog cos she's had her gallbladder out.

All gone!

It's been an interesting week- at least i've had time off work.

And at least I've got her cute little teddy bear doggy to play with. Yay!

Somedays you do good

Last night, I came home to find my house locked and dark.

I looked through the window- and theres a soft flicker of light. Shite, I think. Johnny's lit the smelly candles and gone to the gym- the fuckwits gonna burn the house down if he's not careful.

I rummage through my bag for the keys, and open the door.

The second door is closed too.

Interesting.

I waltz through the french doors, and theres the boy in the kitchen, cooking me dinner. In the lounge room, is the table, complete with fresh flowers, candles and a cold bottle of sauvgnon blanc. And blue cheese & olives.

Theres port and chocolate for after.

And the sweetheart has hired out Cats, and a couple of Andrew Lloyd Webber musical DVD's.

Bless.

Thunder only happens when it's raining

There is a hardcore, severe thunderstorm warning for Brisbane today. Outside my office window it is black and raining and menacing.


I rode my bike into work today, and now I have to ride back through all that! Scary stuff.

I have discovered a dance place down the road from where I work, and I was hoping to call in to watch the intermediate class and see whether I would fit in. It's at 5.45, and considering the weather, I'm not sure I'll get home in once piece!

Other news is The Golden Boy aint so golden anymore.... Dad's been overseas for the last three weeks, and JP & I were charged with the duty of looking after their house and the cars. We left the Saab alone- not because we didn't want to drive it, but I was too scared, and I'm sure Gillian would have clocked the K's before she left. So we only turned it over to keep it going.

The ford, on the other hand, was an entirely different matter. Most mornings, jp's car needs a bit of a jump to get it going. Staying at Dad's, we had the benefit of the hill to coast down on and use it to start. But with the ford it was such joy for it not to leak, to have button controls and it not break down. The fuel gauge also works, which is a blessing!

So we've been using Dad's car while he was away- with his permission I might add.

So what happens? 4 days before Dad and Gill returns, JP crashes the car! Honestly!

Coming up to a green light, we go through the intersection and some idiot runs a red light and hits our rear quarter panel. Thank god a witness stopped, cos when the idiot lodged his claim, he put it as Not at Fault, saying JP ran the red light...

Fool. Mr Robert Avery you're a wanker.

The sky is putting on a show! If only I was at home, I could get naked and watch the lightning.
Sigh.

Getting snippy

Last night I cut all of JP's pubic hair off.

He protested at first, but stopped wriggling in case I slipped with the scissors and stapped him in the cock.

It's much nicer now.

Oh my god, how slack

Well, it would appear I've been very lack lustre with getting my blog out and about. I suppose that's what happens when your generally happy and working two jobs.

But I've quit Anise now, and finally have my nights back. If you have my number, you can generally call around 7.30 and get me in the house.

So I've been riding my bicycle to my day job pretty much every day. I've lost between 6 and 8 kilos, depending on the day and hour I weigh myself. Goddam water retention is such a bitch.

Things with JP have been really good, on the home front. I'm waiting and waiting and waiting until I find out which uni I've gotten into next year.

Fingers crossed.

49 days till we fly out to South America!!

Email blogging

So this is my first test of uploading via email.

Let’s see if it works.

Oh my goodness lordy yes, Jeanine

I've been flying underneath the radar a bit lately... and oh my god having real fingernails makes it hard to type on a laptop.

Worked for a week or two on the telephones at the Electoral Commission, then got a really awesome job at a Business Development Company where I have my own office and my own assistant. They even gave me flowers for my first day!

Every one is uber friendly, and I wonder why I ever stayed at that infighting, beauracratic, boys clubbish and excessively cheap paying insurance company for so long. Oh that's right- cos I was shagging one of the managers. hahahahaha! (good thing I live with him now.)

Things have been good on the home front, though we have had two fights in two days- both, of course, caused by me. First was cos I refused to do the dishes- I hate doing them! And second, cos I may have playfully whacked Johnny when he called me Karate Katchia after having a few beers with my bro (and finding out the story) and he was unnecessarily sooky.

Let's hope he's over it now and I FINALLY get fucking laid!!!

Yes, yes, I went up to good old Yeppoon for Brad N Sarah's engagement party, and to introduce Johnny to the fam and friends. The grandparents loved him, and I think my friends liked him at first too.

I say at first, cos by the end of the engagement party night, the party was in tatters, the bride to be crying and the groom not talking to her- and Johnny standing there with a bewildered look on his face which said 'what happened?'.

Needless to say we hightailed it to the car as fast as we could. Unfortunately we were both so drunk we couldn't drive it- so we slept in it with the doors locked instead.


What happened??

Now that is a good story, ladles and jellyspoons....

to be continued.....

Me, Pedro and Juan for Pedro's birthday. mmmm, cake. 

My collage for the boy to put in our bedroom. 

We're gonna make you like an icon

I'm still kind of unemployed- I work about four/five nights a week at the bar, but other than that I am just searching for temp jobs.

I'm able to pay the rent but that's about it. Yay! If the election is called, then I will have work for four weeks in the election call centre during the day, and then that will be about it.

Otherwise, I sit at home and run the house, look for jobs on the internet and read.

I have almost completed my detox, which was the 10 day Blackmores Detox. I feel soooooo fucking great, it's amazing!!

The first couple of days I practicaly died- my sugar headaches and caffeine cravings were ridiculous, but I feel so full of energy and my skin is awesome now. No sugar, caffeine, wheat, starches or alcohol. Basically its a hard core marcobiotic fortnight, where I have vitamin supplements and vege juice and water, and all the fruit and veges I want.

I can't tell you how good i feel!!

Things on the home front have also been wonderful. I had a great time in Yeppoon, spending quality time with Nona and Da, and seeing the girls. But I did miss the boy. And the sex.

sigh.

He sent me flowers to work on wednesday (at the bar) with a card that said ' Just because you're beautiful.' He makes me feel like the most beautiful, wanted girl in the world and I love it.

I feel so helpless though. He's going through a bit of a rough patch- which makes him stressed and scared and angry- and I end up taking on his pain cos I'm unable to help him. Now he's selling his motorbike to get himself into a comfortable financial position and I'm gonna miss it. I'm also gonna miss the view of him on the bike- he looked sooooo damn hot it was unbelievable.

sigh.

Went to see my uni campus for the new year in st lucia. Awesome! am so looking forward to being a uni student again- I can't wait!!

Matt with a big fish. Go Matty!

Dan getting dirty with Lee.

In the interests of the other I have nothing left to give

Here's one to put in the baffling bag... my gorgeous boy calls me the other day and towards the end of the conversation casually enquires as to whether I had called Fuckface recently.

I haven't spoken to him in years, mainly cos I was smart enough to change my number to stop the "I've just fucked your friend and I'm texting you to tell you and to tell you I miss you" sms'es, though I did leave a birthday message on his mobile last year when I was feeling in a magnanimous mood.

Johnny informs me he has left a comment. This intrigues me, so I scrounged the internet at dan's to see.

Fuckface has found my blog and set up his own: www.fluteismylife.blogspot.com

There are no entries, just the opening line.

I don't know whether I want to initiate contact. He was always so good at making me feel bad that i already have that same self-loathing in my stomach that seems to be a Fuckface muscle memory.

On the other hand, I am intrigued just to find out what he's been up to, and to find out the sordid details of his failed relationships.

Or maybe I should just stab myself in the stomach with a stick- same sort of results I guess.

I am sooooo happy my life has taken on a different direction, I cannot put it in words. It even defies interpretive dance. Now that's a big call!!

jhanda and hendo looking absolutely rooted..

my beautiful girls..

Chris and Johnny getting remarkably comfortable...

Thank you to everyone who texted and called me and who were involved in the Birthday Surprise- inclusive of the fam, Kell and Snoozle for making me feel special.

A big hey to Ingridu, who called me from Belgium! I know your credit dropped out- now I have your mobile I can call you too!

And also a big, public and sloppy thank you to my awesome boyfriend, who continuously blows my mind.

love you.

Best Birthday, EVOR

So the birthday escapade has been and I have had three days of being The Birthday Girl. It was awesome.

The Birthday Escapade was a cleverly orchestrated series of events that was just so incredibly thoughtful and wonderful and sweet!

The wind, rain and general weather forced the company to cancel the first section of the day, being a hot-air balloon ride over Brisbane. Johnny had organised us to be picked up by Limo, taken to the hot air balloon site and then whisked away on a high altitude view of the country.

But we woke up to rain and a telephone call advising it was off. No worries, though. We went out and had a wonderful breakfast at Vine, and came home to rest it off. Not for long though...

Half an hour later there is a knock on the door and a random man asks, 'Are you Katchia?"

Me: Yes.

"Hi, I'm Peter, your driver for the day? Your car is waiting outside."

Me: I know. I parked it down the side.

him: '' no no,. Come outside.

so I womble outside and there is this huuuuge Jeep Cherokee parked in the road. Johnny had organised a full day chauffer driven winery tour of the Gold Coast Hinterlands at Mt Tambourine. It was awesome.

After the full day of guzzling heaps of wine and cheese and delicious food, we were driven back home, went to the movies and saw 'Ten Canoes" (which is a great movie by the way).

After that, we went home to have a bottle of beer and an easy meal after all the running amuck of the day.

Johnny makes me open the door, which he never normally does. Usually he unlocks the door and holds it open for me (cos he is a gorgeous, gorgeeous man). But instead, I'm forced to open the door and walk inside to see..

My lounge room full of balloons and streamers and happy birthday signs. Then the next moment, my sister and hendo come out of the bathroom, along with Beattie and Dean! It was incredible.

THEN.. who should come out of the bathroom but Kell and Snoozle!! who had both flown in to surprise me. So i cried and laughed and cried some more. After my brotherm Gail and Krystal arrived we had birthday cake and then I found out my brother had organised a booth at Empire, so we all toddled off there to cut it up on the dance floor.

Cor Blimey, twas the best birthday ever.

3 days til my birthday, one sleep til my birthday escapade

I got my Birthday Escapade Agenda today
It reads the following:

**
"Tis time for you to prepare for your magical getaway Saturday.
To help you with this I have given you the agenda for the day:
Saturday 15/07/2006
* Alarm goes off at 5.00 am where upon you will be woken up by sloppy kisses from myself and maybe others? (we will discuss this at a later date."
* You will have a shower and brush your teeth (cause you have been known to smell in the morning)
* You will get dressed in the following apparel: Jeans, uggboots, shirt, jumper and jacket. Knickers and Bra are optional and not required, howver you may wear them if you wish.
* You will have a cup of coffe (and nothing else)
* You will then be transported to your first destination.
* After your first experience you will then be required to attend another function.
* You will not have to change for this.
* after this, you will be transported to a restaurant. (Yes, I am aware of the fact that you requested not to have this.)
* You day will end with a nice glass of wine at home where you will be given a massage and then put to bed.
This pretty much sums up the day for you in a nutshell.
Hope you enjoy you day out.
Love you heaps,
Your Chancho!"
**


How exciting! I wonder what it could be?
No hints please! And if you know, don't tell me. I love surprises!

4 days till my birthday

2 days until my Birthday Escapade.

Big, Big News!!!!

Jhanda and Chris are engaged!!! He popped the question on sunday, after having whisked her away for a romantic weekend at a super uber expensive hotel on the Sunshine Coast (and a month running amuck in Europe).


I say Congratulations and I love you both!!!!!! yay!!

poor bastad thought that by proposing it would get the whole commitment issue out of the way... little did he realise it now turns into a flurry of diamond and dress designs, parties and congratulatory telephone calls, and the whole tormenting issue of speeches.

Ride it out son, it does get better!!!


On the otherhand, I am now angling for one of two very important positions.

1) Fat Bridesmaid to Make the Bride Look Good
OR
2) Uber Intoxicated Slightly Jaded Younger Sister Who Gets Incredibly Trashed on the BIG DAY and Falls Over on the Dance Floor. I may or may not choose to wear panties.


I believe I could pull either of these positions of exceptionally well.

Being a boob

I'm having a morning. A morning i tell you!!

I spent a ridiculous amount of money on the weekend at the Myer 'sale'. I say 'sale' cos I only purchased two things on 'sale' and everything else I purchased wasn't.

pfff.

I also pfff the fact that I have gone up two bra sizes in as many months. pffff.

So I purchased two lovely tops on 'sale'. I then purchased two lovely bras not on 'sale'- as they didn't have my new bra size on the rack. pfff. I would also like to point out I was wearing my old bra when I was trying on my new top, so my boobs were significantly squished to allow the top to do up.

I am currently wearing my new bra with my new top, therefore my boobs are no longer squished into a restrainer that minimises my bosoms. I am sufficiently lifted and seperated to feel comfortable and supported.

But now my top doesn't do up. Again.

This is the whole f*cking reason I had to buy new tops. I even went a size bigger to allow for the extra room.

God hates me. I can feel it.

And the boy was sooooo much in a bloody hurry to get into work he would not help me either a) allow me the time to change my shirt or b) assist me in locating my jacket to wear over the top.

i am now at work where Xerxes and Ingrid (left and right breasts) will appear indiscriminately by leaping out of my shirt by pushing aside the top button. They also like to peek out of the gapping whole that is the void between my first and second buttons.

I feel sooooooo uncomfortable.

Running the gauntlet

we had our work colleagues and a few friends round for an evening BBQ on friday night after work. Put the fairy lights up, cleaned the house a bit and threw a few snags on the bbq.

We ran out of ice and Stevo wombled a fair wack up the road (and the hill) to get us some more ice. The evening went fairly well till round 9...

One of the girls from work drank to excess- drank a whole bottle of cherry vodka followed by a significant amount of baileys. She sits on my couch in the courtyard looking like she's lost. Then we realise it's the look of wanting to vomit.

So she does.

onces she's finished, we pick her up and take her inside to pass out in the spare room. I leave for a moment to get a glass of water, I come back and she's sprayed my room with her yak. It's on the floor, it's on my wardrobe walls. I find out later it's even in (and under) my wardrobe.

She wonders out to the lounge room with that 'I'm lost' look on her face and I mistakenly assume she's on her way to the bathroom. She's not.

She stands in my lounge room and vomits on the floor, then trails that vomit into my kitchen where she yaks in my sink- on my utensils, cups and plates. I can see her half digested sausage and pieces of popcorn stuck between the forks.

From there, she moved into the laundry where she vomited in the ice bucket. I usher her into the bathroom to clean her self up where she FINALLY vomits into the appointed vomiting point, my toilet.

Stevo comes over for ice.

He leaves without taking any.

By this time you can't come into the house without finding vomit. The party is over, every one leaves and I am left to change her and scrape the crap up from the floor. I threw out my towels as a result, rather than put them in my washing machine.

The cab we called for her comes, takes one look and leaves. So I call her husband, he rocks up and whisks her away.

She resigned today.

I spent the rest of the weekend cleaning her vomit out from the cupboard in the spare room (and my shoes). I swear i can still smell cherry on the odd occasion.

It's putting me off my cherry flavoured lip gloss.

Sigh.

I am living in the world of Jim Henson. Dance, magic, dance.

Grumble

The boy has a cold sore.

This means no kissing, as well as No Joy.

Whinge!!!!!!!

If I were a bell I'd be ringing

Have the phone on at home now, but can't connect it cos we've misplaced the telephone cord. fools!

Twas a big family weekend just gone- my mum came down on Friday night and hung out in the bar with me- mum, Jhanda and I went out for a 'Going Away Breakfast' on sat morning cos my sister left for a European Escapade on Sat night.

More family on sat with the boy's family coming round for a bbq- so mum met all johnny's family and his beautiful daughter.

Sat night J, C and I all went to see Posiedon. We actually were meant to see X men 3, but about ten from the front x men got sold out. We already had our popcorn and slushies, so we had to see something.

Sunday was italian festival and then watching the boy ref all the way out at f*cking Beaudesert, drop the babe off and then on to dad's house for dinner.

Phew!

Operation Code: No Joy

Well, there have been one or two hiccups in the otherwise heavy breathing of new domesticated bliss- Katchia's hormone cycle and hormone induced psychosis.

PSYCHOSIS!!!!

So, every month and the same hormonally imbalanced time, I get all teary and mopy and cry non-stop for absolutely no reason at all. The past few times I have had uncontrollable sobbing with no reason- purely hormones.

So on thursday, all of a sudden I start to cry like there is no tomorrow. I can't stop. I'm standing at work in front of all my colleagues and can't stop crying.

I end up being taken to the doctor, where she checks me out and wonders that on the levels of hormone in my body it's a wonder I'm not insane.

I think I am.

She makes an emergency appointment for the following day to cut out my Implanon implant, takes my bloods and says I can't go on hormonal birth control for at least a month until we are sure my hormone levels are under control and we can look at 'alternative' options.

So I'm contraceptive free. I still have my period- it's been a week and it appears to have no sign of stopping. This is probably punishment for the 5 years practically period free I have had from my implant.

I have instigated Operation Code: No Joy.

Once I'm back in commision, there is no way in hell I'm getting up the duff. The best form of contraception- abstinence. Or anal.

I guess it will depend on how frustrated I get as to which one we stick with.

Where's my cherry lip gloss??

LOL!

I want to write your name on my t-shirt

The new house is wonderful and cosy and I am having so much fun living there with the boy. We've decorated, bought a bbq and had our first BBQ family gathering on sunday and I am unbelievable, inconceivably happy at this point in my life.

Yay me.

No time to breath

So we've moved into the new house and I have been attempting to organise the old one, have the removalists bring my stuff up from melbourne, unpack the new one whilst working two jobs.

And trav has gone back to the Barossa for two weeks, which means I'm covering all his shifts at Anise. It's fun, but tiring.

I can't wait until it's all settled, then we canl go back to being lovely dovey and romantic rather than calling each other about whose picking what up and what sort of linen cupboard we want.

Whinge.

For one crowded hour you were the only one in the room

Augie March tonight!!!!

Running off to Cooly Hotel to see them cos I love them and may possibly bring extra panties to throw at their lead singer who is a god.

*Sigh*

oh my goodnes lordy yes, jeanine

The jump was awesome and i hated it at the same time.

The door to the plane is shoved open, the single diver jumps first. Scambo (my tandem master) bum-walks us towards the door and I really start freaking out- unfortunately I am attached to him and I can't get away.

My legs hang over the edge. I can see the ground far below and the wind whips at my face and my hair.

I take a deep breath and think I'm going to die.

My stomach feels like its about to come out of my nose and then we are falling face first.

There are 10 seconds of sheer, absolute terror where I think I am going to go mad. My body shuts down and I go into pure survival mode.

Somehow, you almost get used to this sensation of plummetting towards earth, and you have time to think about things- the view, the cold, make faces at the camera.

Without warning the chute opens and you wrenched upwards with your stomach (very slowly) following and the camera man still plummeting groundward. I hang on to my straps like there is no tomorrow, cos I'm worries the buckles will come off.

Scambo say' I'm just going to loosen these straps so you feel more comfortable'.

I say 'don't touch them! I don't want to die!!'

He loosens them anyway cos he's a b*stard and I think I'm going to fall out of the harness. This couldn't happen but god damn it, I want to feel like I'm well and truly strapped in there.

We glide over clouds, through rainbows and all the time my feet are tingling.

Scambo points outs Johnny- and I'm thinking, that b*stard better want to well and truly marry me for putting me through this.

I've forgotten it was my surprise. ;-)

We turn and turn and come in to land and it's like i've had 20 thousand orgasms and I can barely stand.

I can't even unbuckle my harness.

I'm exhausted and nauseous and I lie on the couch in the hangar thinking I'm going to spew.

Meanwhile, the boy is dancing around like there is no tomorrow and is way too exhuberant.

I hate fast rides.

Escapade II

So the boys Birthday Escapade occurred on the weekend and it is officially his birthday today.

So the escapade details are as follows:

Got up at seven and wombled on our way to Byron Bay to a Secret Location.

At Caringbah, we stopped for a beautiful breakfast at the organic Blue Rose Cafe, we're we took the top off the convertable, I blindfolded the boy and we drove off down the highway.

20 minutes later we arrive at our Secret Location, upon which I guide the boy out onto the street, take the blindfold off and reveal his birthday present....

a tandem skydive from 14,000 feet.

He turns and looks at me with disbelief- his words being: 'You've got to be f*cking kidding' and then he kisses me like there is no tomorrow.

Yay!

Escapade, Escapade

So it's the Boy's birthday on the 03/05 and he will be on the dark side of 35. phoa.

We are going on an Escapade this weekend in celebration of his turning to the dark side.

I cannot disclose what it is, except to say that it is a SURPRISE. A fun surprise.

An uber cool and super duper fantabulouso event where all he knows is the shoes he must wear and the length of time we are gone.

Yay!

On this side..

james, james, how do I love thee?

Let me count the ways by the number of twatty little teenagers screaming out at you from around me that I would like to stab with the pencil I have in my bag....

Love the show.
Loved the lighting.
Loved his sense of pitch.
Loved his toffy assed accent.

Hates the stupid little sh*ts with their lithe little bodies that wouldn't stop screaming in the slow songs even after he asked them to.

Ps. Claire Bowditch did the support act. I love that woman.

Easter ever after

Had Easter up north and I loved it.
Nona made me cake, cake and more cake and i'm not ashames to say I ate it.

hahahahaha.

hear: evil cake fueled laugh.

Met the girls, got suitably intoxicated and totally loved spending time gossiping and swapping fabulous stories.

A very big, and public thanks to the wonderful dan who dropped me to the airport and a sparraows fart of a morning then soldiered on through parent teacher interviews. Champ!

Dig it deeper, it's more fun that way

The boy has read the blog and may, or may or not, be offended by it.

I am in trouble.

Big, big trouble.

I just hope he realises this thing is only a vent and I wouldn't want him any other way.
Ever.

Yip yip Yeppoon!

Am in Yeppoon from tonight til tuesday morning.

And so my debaucherous weekend begins......

Fishticks- food for the soul

I forgot to say I had dinner at Dad's with Richie, Krystal, the boy and the obvious.

After this dinner, I must say I felt validated in my previous rambles. As soon as the boy ran off to pee I was in to Gillian like shot, getting some advice.

It is hard.

It will be hard.

You will eventually get over it, but every now and then something jumps up and bites you in the ass. (that last bit was not the way she said it, but it's how I phrase it.)

So I'm good. I'm cool.

And I'm over it. for now.

Tap dance your way out of this one.

So thank g-d, I am over the flu. yay!

Kell came up on the weekend and found a snotty, cranky katchia whose eyes had become hideously swollen and horrible. Yes, ladles and jelly spoons, on top of it all, I got some weird ass eye infection.

I was officially leaking from almost every bloody orifice on my body. Whinge!

The boy and I applied for our rental house tomorrow, and all things going well we should get it. This comes only days after an 'oh my god I'm moving in with someone whose been married before' episode.

I don't know where this came from. I really don't. It was all uber odd really.
Everything was fine and dandy until we went back to his house and he showed me some photos of cars he's spray painted before. Amongst these were holiday shots.

Shots with friends and family (and no ex girlfriends thank fully) but I then got the whole 'oh my god you've had a life before me' thang. Obviously he has. He has a goddamn daughter and I thought that i was aaaallll uber okay with it.

Obviously not.

So why did it freak me out so much that I went all weird when I went into the relationship with eyes wide open and a bloody magnifying glass? I don'tknow. Cos it was tangible?? Cos I finally saw remnants of the life before me? That I had seen happy family shots involving mum, dad and daughter. oh yes yes yes yes yes.

Yes, he can have a life before me. But i can't deal with the fact that he was happily dommesticated and in love. It makes me jealous. It makes me angry at my jealousy and I think, well he's been married before, the so-called ultimate in societies committment. This means that he was desperately in love with someone else. this makes me question how desperately he is in love with me. This then makes me angry that I would even THINK of this, cos it shouldn't matter and I'm not that shallow.

Obviously I am. I am not as free loving and hippy hearted I thought i was.

I am a shallow, envious, jealous minded person.

BUT THEN...

I think, but it didn't work out. This means that they weren't really meant to be together and maybe the marriage wasn't out of true love but the next thing in a series of steps.

But that's just crap and a copout and I'm not being honest with myself. Besides, I can't think like that cos of my own parents.

He was in love, he got married, they had a child.

AND THEN I go, well, he was married, but then he divorced. Divorced. Is this worse or better than the being in love thing. Then it's bad if I walked away from the marriage, and just as bad if he had tried to save it.

He can't win.

I love him and I am jealous that somone loved him before and they have evidence of this. Evident in the form of a gorgeous girl with cafe-au-laite skin, an unbelievable capacity to love and the ability to eat lolly pops like they're going out of fashion.

I am a psycho hose beast and I am soooo glad I never told him any of this except "I find it slightly hard to deal with your previous life, but I love you and will get over it.''

I am so odd I suprise myself.

De-fault! The two greatest words in the english language!

I got the second installment of Whitebread's running amuck in USA and Canada this morning. He's having an absolute ball and sent a dodgy photo of him and Kev on the snow.

I believe he may or may not have obtained his first toothbrush, but I think it's from his ex-girlfriend Jen, so it doesn't really count. The toothbrush has to be a random morning after run.

Sharon is up from Melbourne with her mother and I haven't had a chance to catch up with her yet. But kelly arrives tomorrow! Yay!!!!!

We shall celebrate this occurence by the adding of chocolate to milk.

Oh the humanity....

I'm ill.

Whinge, whinge, whinge.

I may or may not have made a booty call to the boy yesterday.

We may or may not have spent an hour on the floor of my bedroom in 30something degree heat.

I may or may not have woken up at four in the morning suffocating on my own snot and feeling generally unwell.

I believe I may or may not have re-caught my own flu.

This is a viscious, viscous world we live in.

Whinge.

A medley of chinese finger food

Last night was a night for catching up with people, and I finally started coming up for air post new-romance-honeymoon-period.

I like this part almost as much as new romance flush- you have the stability and reassurance of your lover, but you can spend time on the phone or running amuck and know you have someone wonderful to be waiting in bed for you to crawl under the blankets to.

Although the boy has the flu, so I'm in bed being drenched by his sweat (which is normally a good thing and I thoroughly enjoy) but this is all I'm-sick-fluey-sweat, not the stuff I like. ;-) But I snuggle him cos I love him and he did the same to me last week.

Plus I may or may not feel guilty that I gave him the flu.

But I consider it his fault, really. If he chooses to shag me when I'm ill, then he can wear the consequences. I cook chicken soup for nobody. It's tofu & mushroom soup, or no soup at all.

PS> I haven't made soup.

Milk and weigh, cookies and cream

My mother onces said to me, "there's someone who always loves the other more, and someone who loves the other less."

This has always weighed on my mind. What happens if your the one whose loved less? How can you tell? What happens if your not loved enough?

Gypped and her man have broken up.

This upsets me- not because I ever met her boy- but because she is so sweet and lovely and she was very honeymoon happy. And she has a gorgeous, gorgeous body which you can find in the dark.

Warm these cold feet

So if you haven't guessed, things have been good. But every now and then I freak out. I freak out, baby!

Things are too good, my life is on track. I am loved. I am in love. I am settling.

F*ck, I'm settling. I'm nesting. I'm thinking of futures and family holidays and how to decorate my house.

This scares me.

Unbelievably.

But the other thing is I don't want to be without it. I think what scares me most is that this might actually work. I might (finally) have a happy, healthy, well adjusted relationship with a male, who has prospects, values and is financially secure.

Holy shit.

I'm freaking out.

Twist yourself from over stretching

Well, it would appear I've been flying under the radar. Super uber under the radar. I don't have internet at the new house. Actually that's a lie- we have internet, but I don't have the password to access the internet. I'm also never home.

Yes, that is right, ladles and jellyspoons, I spend 5 days out of 7 with the boy, running amuck down on the Goldie. It's ridiculous- and whilst I love the sand and the sun there, I hate the early starts which are required to get to Brisbane to work.

Which is why we come to the next bombshell. Yep, that's right. We're doin the move in. Moving in together. Moving on up. Moving on out. Moving on in.

F*ck.

It's scares the absolute crap out of me and somedays I think I'm not ready for it. But on the most I think I am. I'm just scared that it won't work. And I had promised myself that I would never move in with a boy again unless we were engaged or married or something, just cos the end of a relationship breakdown is so goddam messy and bloody and inconveniently agonising when you live together that I don't want to go through it.

That's not saying it's going to end. I just like to look at both sides of the coin before I make my decision.

And I'm diving in- head first, feet following and my head somewhere up in the clouds.

The family is gonna love this decision.

ha ha.

Fire song

I may, or may not have been resting part of my lap top on my ample bosom while I was writing that last post.

I may, or may not, have burnt my left nipple.

Damn electrical burns. Remind me to never do that again.

A little night club entertainment 

Why I love Surfers.. 

The society of others

Phew. What a week.

I got 'L'ed last thursday, had my first fight with the boy on Friday night (because he suddenly turned into a possessive git after midnight), did recovery over the weekend then into the swing of happy household.

Oh, andI scored a car and I scored a flat!!!!

I move into the sharehouse around the third of march, and it will be good to sleep in a bed in a room of my own and not on a roll out mattress again. Bliss. The flat is right next door to the bowls club, a gorgeous park and is surrounded on two sides by river walks and the river. It's fantastic!! Things are finally falling into place.

Then there's been some hard core shit happening in the last few days. Not so much for me, but for the poor Boy. Uber hard core shit that most boys would crap themselves over, and I really admire his strength through it all.

I would love to write about it, but this is not my story to tell.. I know, I know, when has this stopped me before?? I will say this:

Living and loving aren't fun without the bumpy bits- you ski the powder, then you faceplant and concuss yourself on the moguls in the snowfields of life

yes, yes. The winter olympics are on...

The boy and I- pre fight

Silence is my best defence

Not a hell of alot to write about because I'm ridiculously happy- I seem to have so much more to say and a much more interesting life when I'm down and hate my job and have no one to force my time upon.

Now, if I'm not at either of my jobs, then I'm spending time with the boy- and the boy works at my day job, so I see him all the time! The gorgeous boy who I am very much falling in love with. oooh, scarily so.

Ridiculously scarily so.

I've put the 'L' word out there but haven't said it yet. I don't give a shit whether he says it back or not, that's not my style. I think everyone should tell everyone they love them- I learnt that when Nick and Dodger died. If you never say it, no one will ever know.

So I say it everytime I can to all the people I care about, so then at least they will know they are special in my life- family, friends, lovers.

But to L someone and actually be in love with them???? whoa, cowboy!That's giganticly, horrendously, ridiculously scary stuff.

I'm such a fucking girl.

I pfff myself. Pfffffffffffffffffff!

Worst Dream EVOR!!

Last night I had a dream which kept starting where I finished it each time I woke up and went back to sleep.

I was in a park walking from my car to the park gate. There were cars parked along the left, and large old gnarled fig trees standing in a line on the other side.

A group of men in military uniform and two boys who looked like cute columbian drug lords were standing under a large old tree, all of them with guns over their shoulders. The two boys were smoking and beckoning me to come over.

I smiled softly and shook my head, so scared as I thought they would steal my laptop, which for some reason I was holding.

Soon, the guns come out and combat boys come down from the trees on long black ropes, guns start shooting into the air and the men are rounding people up into a group like cattle, taking money, jewellry. I throw my study books and laptop under a car and and show I have no guns. Lift my shirt to show no concealed weapons, then lies on the ground.

Around me, people are being herded into a large group. I see one of my best friends (in my dream) a girl with dark wavy hair, lean and intelligent looking, staring over at me. She nods her head. For some reason I know we used to be in the army.

I shake my head at her. She nods and kicks out at the boy standing near her, punching him and trying for the gun. He kicks her, pushed her head in the dirt.

The head boy comes over- hair slicked back and cigarette in hand and shoots her in the shoulder. She screams. He shoots her in the other shoulder. Then he walks round behind her and shoots her in the head.

He struts over in my direction- not sure who she had been signalling to. He shoots the boy in the head who was sitting next to me, points to another and says 'left hand', then to me and says 'fifth.'

I'm crying.

A combat man comes over with a knife. I give him my left hand, shaking, acutely aware the boy on the other side of me is screaming and bleeding everywhere.

The combat man cuts off my little finger with something that looks like a cigar clipper.

I wake up, and I see blood- sprayed on my door and my walls and I can not tell if I'm still sleeping

or awake.

Paris Hilton Porn Sucks

I came home today to find that Jhanda had left me an "i'm sorry" gift in the form of eye makeup and wrinkle cream. Hendo had also burned a copy of the Paris Hilton Porn, which we duly sat down and watched.

(Hear homer simpson: I was at the pornography store. I was buying pornography.)

That woman has absolutely no idea how to suck cock. I have never seen anyone do it worse- and at one stage she actually looked up and said "ewwww, I don't wanna do this anymore".

I could not believe how crap she was in bed- and he was just as bad->> thinking he was Jeremy fuckin whathisname crossed with the energiser bunny.

Thoroughly Dissappointed (with a capital D), the only highlight of the show being a) her nipples and b) the fact that the boys massive cock actually hurts her.

ha ha! I give it a 4 out of 10.

No upper hand

So I'm gonna do the mushy things and gush about my boyfriend.

Fuck he's awesome.

Last friday he arranged with my boss (unbeknownst to me) to leave work early, he took me on a bike ride through the city to the Milton xxxx factory and we went on the Brewery Tour. Then sat in the Brewery Bar drinking fabulous un-released beers.

Eventually we wombled back home where we went out to Ice Bar and then off for Chinese. I love the fact that I can just sit there and chat to him and he listens to me prattle on and on and on.

Sometimes I wake up in the mornings to find him watching me sleeping. He thinks I'm cute when I'm snoring like a piglet and dribbling on the pillow.

And today.....

Well today I got 12 long stemmed red roses in a beautiful caramel coloured box, wrapped in luscious red ribbon, delivered right up to my desk at work.

Bless.

I think this boy wants to tell me something.

I think I'll ride at the back of the bus

No comment about saturday nights antics, except to say I never understood queenslanders need for a kebab at the end of a night of drinking.

Having scoffed my first felafel kebab at three o'clock on sunday morning, I can say I've seen the light. noice.

As usual, my sister got drunk, spat venom (although on this occasion, most of it was directed at her best friend whose birthday it was) and wandered off into the night. The stupid git decided to walk home from Caxton (yes, two days after the Caxton street rapist last hit), started to get followed then freaked out and ran into the Normanby Pub.

We found her at home pretending like nothing was wrong and we were the assholes.

And I shall say nothing more. This is the best version I can put out there.

Ouch!

I may, or may not, have attempted to do a home kit bikini wax last night, as waxing is soooo very expensive up here. (who ever paid f*cking $60 for a brazillian??? Maybe in 1982.....)

I may, or may not, have injured myself with one of those stupid pre-done wax strips.

I may, or may not, have a big red welt running alongside a very tender, important and praise-worthy part of my anatomy.

I may, or may not, choose to never do a home bikini wax again, and think i'll stick with the ol' veet depilitory cream.

I choose to neither confirm, nor deny, these rumours!

Iho de puta

The child is on the horse.

Katchia's konnundrum #84

There are still people I work with, and even some I hang out with, that are calling me Kasha.

like Kah-ssshhh-ah. I even had someone call me Tasha.

(*#$(*& #()*$&# #@($& !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I fucking hate it! It's worse when I'm talking on the phone with them and they keep saying it in my ear.

Is it too late to correct them? Yell down the phone- it's fuckin' Kaaa-CHAAAAA. Like cha-CHA. Like FoccaCCIA bread. Anything but that awful sssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhh sound like you have some weird arse lisp.

Not that I'm tired and bitter and haven't slept properly for the last few days.

I'm not so laid back that I wouldn't try

Haven't blogged cos I've hardly been home!!! (hear: evil laugh)

Monday and tuesday night I spent down on the Gold Coast with the boy. (sigh). He's just so absolutely brilliant I worry about myself.

Tuesday night I hung out with my lovely lovely Sagar. I miss that boy so much, and I didn't realise until I saw him again. It was really cool to catch up, and of course I got MAJORLY reprimanded for not keeping in contact properly. But I promise I will now. We caught up on my boy, his girl and life in general.

Then his friends turned up, and a little later this cute little blonde hippie girl wombles over and asks for a light. I ask her to sit with us and we start having a chat.

Eventually, I realise that I need lip gloss, so I pull my tiny tub of lip gelati out and begin to apply. So she leans over and asks if she could have some. Of course I give it to her.

She takes the lid off and whilst moving her finger over the top in a soft anti clock wise motion over my lip gloss, she leans over and says to me in this cute little kiwi accent, "I thunk you should treat lup gloss like a clutorus- touch ut ever so gently."

Then she applies it and smacks her lips. I almost slid off my chair.

Of course I told the boy in the car on the way home. He looks at me (as well as he can whilst driving) and is like, "your serious? "

I sooooo know what his birthday present is going to be.

Soooo true

A little something I stole from Meaky (Tarmac out)

A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.


We laugh cos it's true. A big 'ahoy hoy' to my boys.

Red light disco

I don't know what was worse.. I spent the day searching for apartments and shopping.

I fucking HATE both of them.

Couldn't find a flat, however I did find new underwear, some fabulously sexy shoes and some new work clothes out at the DFO.

My work here is done.

My sister can pee standing up

Is there anything more that needs to be said on that one??

Chinese New Year Celebrations are on here in brisbane, and we went out to one of our fave chinese restaurants for tea. I had a glass, maybe two, of white wine.

Jhanda may have had over a bottle to herself.

I neither confirm (nor deny) this as the approximate number. hint hint.

Dinner was over two hours in getting to our table, and they 'misplaced' Hendo's entree, so jhanda wombles inside to give them a piece of her mind..... It has no effect but to embarrass us.

Then, Chinese dragons and drummers and dancers come frollicking around our table, and one of the dragons kisses my forehead and bats it's eyes at me.

We finish dinner and start the fairly short womble home.

Jhanda get's round the corner and announces she needs to pee.

Her (slurred): I need to pee.
Hendo: I told you to go before you left
Me: Siiiiiigh.

Her: I'm gonna pee here. Do you dare me?
Me: Fuck yeah!
Hendo: God no.

So jhanda stands next to a cute little black new-style volkswagon, lifts up her little black dress and pulls her panties to the side.

Her: hahaha. bet you thought I wouldn't do it. ahahhahahahahahaaaa!

Me: Holy fuck!

I tried to take a photo, but the camera on my phone didn't have flash!!!!

My sister pee'ed, standing up, all over the front of some ones new veedub. I swear sometimes, that biatch has balls.

She's only happy in the sun

Is it better to be alone and travelling,
or happy and in the same spot?

Yes, I would never have said no to going to Israel, cos it was a long, long dream of mine that i had to do. I would never have not gone.

When I came back I was displaced- I just wanted to get away from an old relationship and someone who didn't love me to somewhere new.

The Uk thing was really just something to do. I was young (ish), single and had some savings, so where can a gal go on her own? Richie and I were meant to go to south america, but he fell in love. I didn't want to go to South America by myself, so i didn't go. Instead, i thought, 'might as well do uk then'.

It's not a life long dream. I would rather spend 3 months in South America than a year in london.

And having been up here, I love having my family around me.

I want to go back to uni.

I've called STA and I've put a tentative hold on my ticket. I can choose a credit note, or a refund, or I can still choose to go.

Am I putting to much pressure on something so incredibly new? I don't mean to. And it's not just him-I'm not saying it's anything more than it already is. But is it such a bad idea to want to see how this one goes? And is it wrong to want to be a part of my family's life for once, rather than just watching them from afar?

We'll soon see.

The boy

It will make a weak man mighty. It will make a mighty man fall.
It will fill your heart and hands or leave you with nothing at all.
It's the eyes for the blind and legs for the lame.
It is the love for hate and pride for shame.

Australia Day!

Had a couple of the guys around for Triple J Hottest 100 Countdown, along with a couple of the other units round the place. Manwhore and his new missus came round, as did Rich and Krystal and a few of the guys from work.

'Twas a lot of fun, and I believe I may or may have drunk a bottle of Cinzano and a bottle of vodka, with a little assistance from my sister.

The boy was as gorgeous as ever, and the sweetest thing in the world. He rocks on up, having purchased a brand spanking new pair of white urban streets, and i'd felt bad that he had gone out and spent money on new shoes. On the other hand, he did look incredibly edible in them.

Everybody absolutely loved him, including my sister who is usually the most judgemental biatch in the world. Of course, the entire bloody day I kept getting the 'have you told him yet?'s. And the fact of the matter was, no. I hadn't.
It wasn't that I wanted to keep the fact I was planning to go overseas again from him, i just didn't know how to tell him. I didn't want him then looking at me as an interim thing. I wanted him to hang out with me cos he liked spending time with me, not cos it would be something fun and no strings until I left.

The crap part of it was, the longer I left it, the harder it became. I became a liar through ommission, rather than by direct falsity.

Either way, I didn't like it, and it became a relief when he told me he knew.

The only thing now though, is i can't bring myself to tell him when I'm going. I don't want him to be counting down.

I don't want to be counting down.

Maybe now I don't want to go.

oh sooooo beautifoool.. 

I think the look says it all.... 

mmmmm, ria 

One hand in my pocket

A few nights agot, while working at Anise, I met a man whose job it is to perform market research on porn. How cool is that? But he was very obviously gay.

Then the other night, one of the quiet type regulars, (who always blushes when I call him gorgeous) finally confessed his occupation.

Him: I own my own business.
Me: Really. Fantastic! What sort of business.
Him: umm, it's an internet site
Me: okay. Like stocks or spamwhere or what?
Him: Womens sex products.
Me: that soooooooo uber cool.

So he's given me a discount.

I know get 25% off the already discounted online price. Sweet!

http://www.femplay.com.au

I had a looksee, and was entranced by the 'wiggle wand'. Why a woman would want to put a plastic vibrating rubber wand up her ass is beyond me. Doing it yourself would be difficult, but woe to the poor bastard who has to stand behind you and do it. I'd want rubber sheets and a goggles for that sort of shit.

Fuck that for a joke.

reel it in then spit it out

Well fuckwas, it seems that it gets longer and longer between each of my updates but I couldn't give a fuck.

Did dinner on Thursday night for my bro's birthday and had a great time. I gave him some god awful fat mumma porn as his gift (of which of course, I burnt a copy for myself to show my friends next time we're pissed.)

There's a scene in there where some random guy fucks the fat girls belly button. I never knew you could do that, but if your fat enough, it's looks like a funny shaped vagina.

Friday night I hitched a ride with the boy down to the gold coast and stayed down til sunday morning. We went riding with his friends on their motorbikes, and the rest of the time I got naked and lay around watching dvd's and eating ice cream.

He knows about the website.

I don't know what to write about him, basically cos I'm scared he'll read this and get all fucking judgemental.

Will i write about him?
Yes.
Will I write shit that he probably won't want other people to read?
Yes.

So fuck it.

We have clarified that we are 'seeing' each other. Seeing. Of course we clarified that after a substantial bout of shagging, so what use is it? Your hardly going to say, 'umm, no sorry, I don't think it will work out' at one in the morning after you've had multiples and are nursing your pash rash with no way of getting home. pleeease!

But I do love spending time with him, and consider this exclusive.

I only have one issue with him. Actually, I lied. I have two.

1) He wears white sneakers with jeans.
2) He doesn't have a vegetarian bone in his body.

Item no. two will really only be an issue if we get serious and he's a Prospective.
Item no. One concerns me more.

I have no idea how strong my Pusswa Power is over this man, so when do we broach the shoes topic? He needs Low cut, retro 70's urban street shoes, not sneakers/runners.

Everything about him is uber hot, but I can't get past the shoes. I have consulted my straight and male friends, and found that this is very much a gold coast thing. Someone also suggested it's a south american thing, but I'm not too sure about that.
Chris is certain I mustn't broach the subject until I'm certain of the strength of my pusswa power. Only time will tell.

I have no idea what my pusswa rating is on this one.

Katchia Konnundrum #72

Spent last night getting drunk for the Head Chef's birthday, and consulting my gay friends on how to give good head.

I believe I have lost my technique.

What I want to know is, is there a difference in giving head to circumcised and uncircumcised penises.

Is the plural for penis 'penises' or 'peni'??

I beleive these are two very important questions that need some thought.

Richie's Birthday today!!!

Happy Birthday, fucker!

I hope you have heaps and heaps of fun.

Remember that I love you heaps and heaps and heaps and heaps and you are the best brother a gal could have.

Fish sticks

So know I don't know how to act at work.

I want to walk out of work with him and throw myself at him and pash him in the parking lot.

But I don't.

I say good night and I walk out.

I don't want to freak him.

I want him to think that I'm uber cool 'bout the whole thing.

Cos I am.

Plus, I'm just uber cool.

Diamonds on the soles of his shoes

ha ha.Went on a date Monday night with an incredibly sweet boy.

He was born in South America, speaks spanish (which I have yet to hear) and can salsa. 35, divorced, one child aged 7 who he has every second weekend

But he is the gentlest, sweetest boy I think I have ever met. Everything about him is kind.

I had absolutely no idea.

When I first met him, I thought he was a player- a boy who asked out any girl he met to throw them away. Then he asked me out for coffee and i thought I wouldn't go- surely he must ask out every new girl and then tell everyone at work about it??

Then he asked again... so I decided to do some research. I asked around. I was wrong- no one had a bad word to say about him.

Hardly goes out. doesn't play around. devoted dad.

So I said yes. I'll go out for coffee with you.

Coffee turned out to be a ride down to the Gold Coast, dinner and a movie, then a night ride on his beautiful motorbike and a walk along the beach.

It was wonderful. The moon hung in the sky like it was pinned to a cloth and riding through the streets you could smell the honeysuckle in the air.

As we were walking along the beach, you could look out at the clouds, which were lit by the moon above and shadowed by it's reflection in the water. Everything was grey and blue and stunningly beautiful.

It started to rain and by the time we got back to the bike we were soaked. I was wearing a singlet and long pants- it was hot and we'd left without a jacket. We rode back to his house feeling the sting of the rain on our skin, and I laughed at how pleasurably painful it felt.

I wore one of his shirts. I lay around drinking red wine.

I felt like I was at the top of a ferris wheel, coming down on the descent with a shitload of ecstacy in my stomach. My heart was in my throat.

I thought he would be an aggressive kisser- but I have never had anyone kiss me so softly, and so tenderly in all my life.

Ever.

Smelly

Happy birthday Kell!

Fuck we're getting old. Will chat soon! But you're still gorgeous.

Trick n me

Dad n I.

Trigger happy

Sunday was lovely. Hung out with Nona and Da, the cousin's n their kids and the fam.

Went up to caloundra and drank the day away.

Chris got drunk and passed out in the back of the car and kept farting these awfully rancid farts all the way home. We had to wind the windows down to air out the car.

I don't even think he noticed.

On the up side

I think dad had a lot of fun at his party.

I hope so. The cake was awesome!

Easy Exit Station

So did the family thing on the weekend. Friday night I went with Richie n Krystal to dad's 50th. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

The Mcmahon's stayed in their corner and I wandered the floor chatting to uncles I've never met before or hadn't heard from in 20 years.
Doug tried to say hello at one stage, but I walked away- after doing a Jerry Springer look up n down n dis with my eyes thang. He walked over to talk to John while I was there, I think in an attempt to double check the dissing, or to get a better look at me. I just turned away and spoke to Krystal. If he wants to see me he can see my back.

I always wondered how I would feel being in the same place with the woman who broke our family up and these 'family' and 'family friends' that forgot about us. My legs were shaking as I walked into the house, and I thought I would fall, my stomach sat at the base of my throat and my eyes stung in that angry, emotionally saturated way. But my legs!! Like jelly. my hands were shaking.

I was scared. I was angry.

It's hard to explain without seeming like a whining bitch.

I used to wonder what it would be like to be in the same room with her. To see her again. I always imagined it- when I was younger I used to fantasize about spitting in her face..

Now I look at her and think. you're old. You're ugly. and I'm bigger now- I can look at you and really know that you weren't a nice person, you have no morals and I pity your children for having you as a role model. I think you won't get into heaven. You'll sit outside and watch and weep.

I choose Ostrich.

So it's family time again and I no longer have the luxury of being 3000 miles away and have distance being the deciding factor in my participation in family gatherings.

Well, that's over, and the proverbial shit has hit the dynamically challenged fan: it's rotating fast enough to spread the crap around, but too slow to make a clean cut.

I have the choice of being an awful daughter, a disloyal daughter, a resentful daughter, a cowardly sister, a heartbroken child, a coward, a coward, a coward or an ostrich.

Though to be honest, I don't know what to do. I honestly don't know what to do.

It's my fathers 50th on saturday and I'm scared to go. I'm scared not to go.

You would have thought the hundreds of dollars I spent on Tuesday afternoon therapy would have left me with some solutions to this dilemma, but unfortunately I feel as inadequate as ever.

At this point in my life

At this point in my life,
I've done so many things wrong I don't know if I can do right.
If you put your trust in me, I hope I won't let you down.
If you give me a chance, I'll try.
You see it's been hard the road I'm traveling on, and if I take
your hand I might lead you down the path to ruin.
I've had a hard life-just saying so you understand that right now,
right now
I'm doing the best that I can at this point in my life.

Premium. Unleaded. Duuuude!

My brother richie

I've moved out of my bro's house and in with my sister for the next two months. Richie and Kystal are currently looking for a new place to live and I have to get my shit out of their apartment.

Except I've done my back. How?? No idea.
I wish it was doing something (or someone) uber exciting, but at this point, I'm at a loss. No swinging sex chairs in this little war story. I have already spend $60 on bloody physio, and have to go back on monday.

Fucking chauvinist bastards. I'm sure it's the result of some weird government organisation to keep women repressed and stuck on their backs.

Cos I can't move.

Fuckers.

I was taming this wild honeymoon stallion for you...

On Monday, my friend Lukey came down from Caloundra. Lukey was one of my flatmates back in Mackay and we hung out for the day, saw Narnia and I kept him awake all night trying to understand the man.

Lukey works at a coffee roastery, or should I say THE Coffee Roastery, and he brought me a shitload of coffee related stuff which I have been either a- consuming, b- rubbing on myself or c- smelling all week.

So we're lying in bed and I'm annoying him with questions when I get a text. So I made Lukey reachover and get it.

My sister and her boyfriends sent me this message:
We think there's something up with that boy.

My sms: Why? Ur both tools.

Them: Thinks that no man buys that many gifts unless he is after pussy!

haha.

I think that's funny, considering Lukey doesn't believe in sex before marriage, and at that time, I was pressing him as to what he considers sex and how far he would go.

Obviously he would kiss a girl. That's okay. But what about head? I ask.

him: no.
Me: really?? Fuuuuck. that's harsh.
Me: Are we talking penetration in general- with anything? You know- yours, mine, ours.
Him: ummmm....
Me: What about mutual masturbation?
Him: what???
Me: Mutual masturbation. You know- you masturbate in front of the other and occassionally help them along. Would you do that pre-marriage?
Him: I don't know. I never thought about it.
Me (shocked): These are very important things- you MUST consider them.

And you must. I mean, what happens if you marry someone and they are absolutely, crappily awful in bed- like an energiser bunny with no attachments??? Sex is like snowboarding- you need a few lessons before you can perform any cool tricks. How do you know if they've got any natural talent if they've never been on the slopes??

Lukey's a guitarist, and I would naturally assume, should be fairly good with a- rhythm and b- the fingers of his left hand.

But only his wife will ever know.

That's assuming he can find a 25 year old virgin with all appendages attached in this day and age.

I am the Navigator

well I'm back fuckers! Took me a while but I got here eventually. I don't know why, but I was over the blogging thang for a bit after Christmas.

New Years was only quiet- Marcia n Tals came round, and along with Sandy, Jhan and Chris, we took drinks and nibbles out to the pool and never left. It was nice- sitting around or swimming and not having to worry about crowds, taxi's or makeup. I was suitably drunk enough to not give a shit about what I looked like in my togs.

Next day, we went into Bbq breaks and Jhan, Chris and I partied waaaay to hard. mmm-hmm. I ended up coming home and going swimming at one oclock in the morning.

Now I have a sore throat and ear infection that just won't go away.

Fuck.

Loved up yet? 

Fancy fan! 

 

I'm not pissing up your ass, Jan!

Well the whole christmas holiday thang wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.

Boxing day I was drinking mojitos by around 9.30, the same for the 27th. I spent most of it comfortably numb, and hanging out with Jhan, Chris, Mum and the dog.

Chris got a little pissy, the call of the evening coming from him and not my sister (for once!)

All good. And we still had enough cinzano n vodka to get us on the road trip home. It was a miracle I tell you!

And verily, they rejoiced, for they drank of the cinzano, and of the vodka, and saw that it was good. And yea they didst drink it, and were drunk from it, for he commanded it, and it was so.

Thus sayeth the word of the lord.

My trusty companion. If you ever want your nose bitten at four o'clock in the morning- this dog will always be there for you!

Close up.

Cowboy and his trusty companion. That's really good pork, Jan. I'm serious. You should come on a snorkelling adventure with us.

Oh Margey, you came and you found me a turkey

Well, christmas day has been and gone and it's twenty four soul wrenching hours of my life that I will never, ever get back.

I know only have one arm, having chewed the other one off in a desperate attempt to escape the family gathering of a side of the family I don't know, with only a drunken mother as support. In the end, I sold my soul to the devil and gouged my eyes out with a spoon to get away.

Fuck me dead, I am never doing the christmas thing again. EVER.

Ps. I suppose i should say merry christmas and happy hannukka to all- just enjoy your family and your holiday.

Goddamn christian holidays- it going to be soooo uber hot it will be unbelievable. I want to call in at Crazy Clarkes and pick up a wading pool so I can fill it up and wallow like the piglet I am.

It's all in the aesthetics

I really want to change the colour of my blog.. I don't like this pink shit anymore- I'm going through a green stage. I want green. But I can't be fucked changing all my modifications, cos it means you have to start aaaaaaaalllllllll over again.

And I'm lazy that way. ;-)

Remember the tinman

Last night, just as I was falling asleep, I had one of those clear memories, the sort that almost wake you up as your memory synapses explode.

As I was sinking into sleep, my mind drifted to Fuckface, and how much he used to love me. I remember the day I fainted in class-clean out- and he raced in through the auditorium, throwing his flute carelessly at some student standing by and picked me up in his arms the way you see in movies. I remembered how we used to hold hands in bed as we fell asleep if it was too hot to hold each other. He would make me avocado on toast after hours bedroom fun.

Then I thought, He loved me once, but he didn't treat me wonderfully. He slept with my friends. He stopped me from singing.

Then I thought- Whitebread loved me. Whitebread would bring me tea and scrambled eggs into bed. He used to sleep on his front leaning to the left, and I could lay myself over him like a blanket and breathe into his back. Sweet cinnamon boy smell.

But then I thought- he never really asked me how I was. And when I came back from Israel, he never asked to see my photos. He never got off the couch he was pretending to sleep on. He never asked to see my photos. Or the gifts I got. So I never gave him his.

Then I fell asleep, truly asleep.

I wonder about it, you know? The slow death of love fading leaving a hole in your soul and a knot in your stomach.

Sometimes it makes you wonder if it's worth it. And how many more times you need to go through it.

But you always miss it when it's gone.

I miss both of them, but not enough to forget what I'm worth.

These shoes were made for somethin'

I think it's important to tell the world that on Sunday, I vomited on my beautiful red shoes.

I had been out on Sat night, had (and I stress this is true) less than a bottle of white wine and I wake up the next morning and worship the porcelain god. Three times.

Then I drive my friends car into work. I get out and lock the door, and run across the road. I feel that aweful metallic taste in my mouth and I think "am I about to vomit in public on Brunswick St?".

I run into the restaurant for the toilet but christ!there's someone in there!

So I run out the back, up the stairs and into the alley.

And I yack up all the water I had drunk onto the ground, clutching wretchedly to the chainlink fence to steady myself.

I was never good at science and I get my trajectory wrong.

So now my beautiful red shoes aren't so beautiful anymore.

Hold me closer, tony danza

Last night, I saw the funniest fuckin shit I have ever seen in my life.

My sister and her boyfriend came home drunk and jhanda put the show of the century on. I was so impressed, i got out my digital camera to video tape it. I desperately want to put it on the internet, but sisterly bonds prevent it.

Eventually she decides to have a shower, so start packing up the camera. Only after she has gotten upstairs does it finally click that I had been (not so secretly) videotaping her.

She comes back down stairs.

Wearing nothing.

except her fake tan.

and a shower cap.

she sneaks into my room, turns the light on and slithers over the floor towards me, her face a mess of half eaten kebab and ruined mascara. She smells like cigarette smoke, garlic and mince.

her: "you were taping me, weren't you. weren't you?? '


me: no. (I lie)

her: liar! your a liar, liar pants tony danza!
pants pants tony danza. Liar liar pants tony danza.

Eventually she gets up and staggers away, not after I am cruelly, cruelly treated to a vision of her falling over and attempting to get back up. Naked. Except for a showercap.

Sisters should not see this sort of shit.

So I get out my camera and took a photo.

I now have the best fuckin blackmail footage in the world.

Jhanda at her sunday best. Dammit she's hot.

Some like it hot

It's raining.

I'm sitting on the patio with two candles burning.

I'm wearing only my towel.

I have every Sarah McLachlan cd I can find in the 5 cd stacker on auto repeat.

I've had a glass of wine with my pasta.

I'm reading Tim Winton's 'Lands Edge', which is so stunningly beautiful it makes me want to cry.

I'm having a great time.