Hearts all over the world tonight

well it's easter weekend/ Purim weekend, and it's been a very hectic week or two of school assessments and report cards. I still haven't managed to get rid of the flu (it's been almost two weeks with a hard core brinchial cough.) I seem to be constantly choking on my own phlegm.

I am really in the need for some gluten-free vegetable and corn soup for the soul.... Still having issues with cash, and my personal loan was declined cos my school would not confirm my income over the telephone- even though I sent the bank three copies of my payslip and my confirmation of employment letter. Stupid fucks.

We've had c this weekend, and I've found it fairly hard to cope with her here, for some reason. Maybe it's because she keeps going through my stuff, and having to play with my things. She came into my bedroom the other day and opened my top draw and started to go, oooh, what's this??? And pulling things out. I say, 'honey, that's K's private draw'. Oh, sorry, she says... then goes over to my necklaces in my necklace cupboard. Christ. Leave my stuff alone! I want to yell, but of course I say 'that's very pretty, isn't it?" Then's it's over to my duchess and going through my jewellery on the top.
ARGH! Get out of my room and out of my stuff!!!!!!
but instead I say, that's a pretty colour.. that bracelet has a very special story to it, would you like to hear it???
sigh.
She's a lovely kid, but I'm just feeling like I have none of my own space... and I feel like I can't say anything about it cos I don't want to upset anyone, particularly J cos then he'll get to thinking that I don't like his daughter.

To make it worse, as she was shutting a blind, C accidentally broke my 21st birthday gift from Rachel, then stood in the shattered shards of glass stuttering.
I wanted to yell, why the fuck do you have to go into my rooms and shut all the fucking curtains anyway??? What the fuck is with that???? Leave my fucking shit Alllooooooonnnne!!!

But instead I said, 'be careful sweetheart. Move out of the glass and take those socks off, you don't want to get hurt. Accidents like this can happen, we just need to be a litle more careful next time.'

And I swallow my feelings down to the pit of my stomach where they swell so much that I can't sleep.

I have a good idea to start leaving underwear and vibrators out so she'll stop going through my stuff. And then having thoughts like that makes me feel bad cos that obviously means I am a very bad person if I can't deal with how a ten year old makes me feel.
FUCK!